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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24358195">I'm Here, I'm Queer, and Filled With Existential Fear</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoGreyjoy/pseuds/BrenIsntHome'>BrenIsntHome (NicoGreyjoy)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Author is Black and Jewish, Domestic Avengers, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Jewish Peter Parker, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Non-binary Peter Parker, Other, POC Peter Parker, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter chose the name Peyton, Polyamory, Social Media, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Trans Peter Parker, Use of Racial/Ethnic slurs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:40:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,563</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24358195</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoGreyjoy/pseuds/BrenIsntHome</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>[video starts with Sam narrating]<br/>"In today's episode of What Was Stark's Kid Up To Last Night, I gotta admit I was surprised. I came into the living room and everything was in it's proper place. There was a stack of empty Bang energy drinks on the coffee table, no big deal. That's normal for them. But then I saw the dragon dressed in black robes with weird symbols surrounded by similarly dressed creatures"</p><p>[camera pans to lifelike stuffed dragon with a dagger fastened to one paw and a strange book to the other. It's surrounded by other stuffed animals focusing intently on their leader]</p><p>"Tell me why there is a goddamn cult gathering in my living room"</p><p>----</p><p>Or Peyton Parker, Tony's beloved spider-child, is in quarantine with the Avengers for the foreseeable future because of COVID-19 and it is an experience for them (and a PR nightmare for Pepper).</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker &amp; Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Shuri/Michelle Jones/Ned Leeds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>622</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Gimme the beat boys and yeet my soul</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Jumping on the social media fic bandwagon because why not? Gotta pass the time in lockdown somehow, amirite?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>[Iron Fam]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PeyPey</b>
  <em>
    <span> added  </span>
  </em>
  <b>IronDad, IronMom, RoboUncle, Hapster </b>
  <em>
    <span>to the chat</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>2:37am</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PeyPey</b>
  <span>: The dopamine giveth and the dopamine taketh away :’)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PeyPey</b>
  <span>: The ‘rona closed down my school</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PeyPey</b>
  <span>: Trapped in this tiny ass apartment with an aunt who lowkey blames me for my uncle’s death for however long this plague lasts</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PeyPey</b>
  <span>: lol should have been meeeeeeee</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PeyPey</b>
  <span>: Sometimes while I swing with reckless abandon through the city I think…”what if I just...</span>
  <b>
    <em>yeet</em>
  </b>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>IronDad</b>
  <span>: Kid, what the fuck?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>IronDad</b>
  <span>: Where are you? Are you at home? Do we need to come get you?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PeyPey</b>
  <span>: In Hell, Mr. Stark. I exist in Hell </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>IronMom</b>
  <span>: Peyton, sweetheart, what’s going on? Are you okay?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>RoboUncle</b>
  <span>: Kid, what’s happening? Talk to us</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PeyPey</b>
  <span>: Birth is a curse and existence is a prison :’)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>IronDad</b>
  <span>: Happy, you awake?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Hapster</b>
  <span>: On it, boss</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>4:15am</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[</span>
  <em>
    <span>TikTok begins. Peyton is sitting in the back of a car dressed in an oversized MIT hoodie. Their eyes are red and puffy and they are clearly sleep deprived]</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How’s my mental health, you ask? Well I started rewatching Naruto and Doctor Who at the same time, cut my own bangs, and have been surviving on caffeine and mashed potatoes for two weeks. And apparently I have an emergency appointment with a psychologist in 4 hours!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[camera pans over to a frazzled Tony Stark]</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And how’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>mental health, Mr. Stark?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to have a stroke one day and it will be your fault.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Hey </span>
  <b>@AvengersOfficial</b>
  <span> why doesn’t this place have bagels? You have 20 kinds of cereal but no bagels???</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Sam @TheFalcon</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@PeyParks </b>
  <span>who the fuck are you and how do you know what we have in our kitchen</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@TheFalcon </b>
  <span>someone who really wants a bagel :(</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Tony Stark @IronMan</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@PeyParks </b>
  <span>If I get you bagels will you get down from on top of the fridge?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@IronMan </b>
  <span>…...mayhaps</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Ned @Gitc</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@PeyParks </b>
  <span>Are you staying with the Avengers??? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME!!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Black Dahlia @mmmj</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@PeyParks </b>
  <span>bitch you need to answer your phone. I’ve been trying to call you for two days. Why are you there?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@mmmj @Gitc </b>
  <span>Mr. Stark is the Daddy Warbucks to my Annie. It’s a hard knock life man</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Ned @Gitc</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Omg </span>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Tony Stark @IronMan</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
  <span> please never call me Daddy Warbucks again….please</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Steve @CaptainAmerica</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@IronMan </b>
  <span>Tony why is there a child on top of our refrigerator? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Nat @RedDeath</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@IronMan</b>
  <span> Stark did you reproduce and not tell us?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Tony Stark @IronMan</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@RedDeath</b>
  <span> They are not my child!!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Black Dahlia @mmmj</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Ouch. Looks like it’s back to the orphanage for you </span>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Father why don’t you love me anymore :( </span>
  <b>@IronMan</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Clint @cawcawbitch</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Why was I not informed there was a baby stark? Also yeah why the fuck are they on the fridge? </span>
  <b>@IronMan</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Tony Stark @IronMan </b>
</p><p>
  <b>@cawcawbitch</b>
  <span> I don’t know! They just climbed up there!! And they are NOT my child</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Nat @RedDeath</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@IronMan </b>
  <span>if you’re not their father then where are their parents?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@RedDeath</b>
  <span> dead. Very dead. I watched them be violently murdered when I was five :’)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Sam @TheFalcon</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
  <span> JESUS CHRIST</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Ned @Gitc</b>
</p><p>
  <span>PEYTON WE’VE TALKED ABOUT THIS </span>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Black Dahlia @mmmj</b>
</p><p>
  <span>PEYTON </span>
  <b>@PeyParks </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Tony Stark @IronMan</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Kid what the fuck? </span>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Bucky @JBBarnes</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Seriously though, who is this kid and why are they here? </span>
  <b>@IronMan</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks </b>
</p><p>
  <b>@JBBarnes </b>
  <span>wouldn’t you like to know ;)</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <b>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Peyton is NOT Tony’s biological child. Please stop this interaction </span>
  <b>@AvengersOfficial</b>
  <span> you all are a PR nightmare</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
  <span> and Peyton, sweetheart, please get down from the refrigerator. We talked about this. Also I have bagels and your favorite cream cheese</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <span>At least Mother still loves me :’) </span>
  <b>@IronMan</b>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[</span>
  <b>Buzzfeed News: Tony Stark Has a Secret Love Child?]</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Recent tiktok and twitter interactions with an unknown boy named “Peyton” has led many to speculate that Tony Stark has a child, who is now residing with him and his fellow Avengers. Stark and the Avengers continue to ignore the questions regarding this development. Click for details</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <span>You ever just read something that sends your mood spiraling down into the abyss? #thedysphoriaisreal</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Black Dahlia @mmmj </b>
</p><p>
  <b>@BuzzfeedNews </b>
  <span>Bitch it’s THEY/THEM. I will personally beat all your asses. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</b>
</p><p><b>@BuzzfeedNews</b> <b>@mmmj </b><span>It looks like someone is cruisin’ for a bruisin’ with a vibranium bat :)</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Tony Stark @IronMan</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@BuzzfeedNews</b>
  <span> I will buy your fucking company I swear to god</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Steve @CaptainAmerica</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@BuzzfeedNews </b>
  <span>I’m still not quite sure who </span>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
  <span> is or why they’re here, but misgender them again and I’ll break your fucking kneecaps </span>
</p><p>
  <b>James Rhodes @WarMachine</b>
</p><p>
  <span>^</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Nat @RedDeath</b>
</p><p>
  <span>^</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Bucky @JBBarnes</b>
</p><p>
  <span>^</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Clint @cawcawbitch</b>
</p><p>
  <span>^</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Sam @TheFalcon</b>
</p><p>
  <span>^</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Thor @PointBreak</b>
</p><p>
  <span>^</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Bruce @NotThatDoctor</b>
</p><p>
  <span>^</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Scott @AntsAreFriends</b>
</p><p>
  <span>^</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Is this what actually being loved and supported by adults in your life feels like? </span>
  <b>@AvengersOfficial</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@BuzzfeedNews </b>
  <span>delete this immediately or you’ll be hearing from our lawyers. And don’t let me see you using the wrong pronouns for them again. THEY/THEM. Thanks :)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@BuzzfeedNews</b>
  <span> yeah do what my mother says!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
  <span> don’t encourage them, Peyton</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@StarkCEO</b>
  <span> sorry mother :(</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>2:12pm</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[Tiktok begins and we can see Peyton sitting on a couch with a laptop and books spread out around them]</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“On God. If they make us do school online. In the fall. I’M GOING TO </span>
  <b>
    <em>VOLUNTARILY TERMINATE MY EXISTENCE</em>
  </b>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[I’m Not Okay by My Chemical Romance starts playing. Peyton starts to dramatically sing along]</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’M NOT OKAY. I’M NOT OKAAAAY. I’M NOT OKAY.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[Tony Stark and Thor stand in the background looking terrified. Thor glances nervously between Peyton and Tony]</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are all Midgardian children like this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“N-No…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes I lay awake at night and think about that time I was at the aquarium in 2nd grade and jumped into a tank to befriend the shark</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Anna @AvengersStan</b>
</p><p>
  <span>How do you know the avengers? </span>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@AvengersStan</b>
  <span> Nunya business</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Chad @chaddicus</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Is it true that you’re actually </span>
  <b>@IronMan</b>
  <span> ‘s kid?? </span>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Lily @lilmonster</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeah who are you and how do you get to live with the avengers @PeyParks </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Cheesy Boi @Thotlot</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Are we just going to ignore that they JUMPED INTO A SHARK TANK??? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Never too young to develop a serious death wish </span>
  <b>@Thotlot</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@lilmonster</b>
  <span> apparently I needed a “more stable environment” and the powers that be dropped me into this circus </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@lilmonster</b>
  <span> this place is dope tho. If you find the right path in the vents you can sneak into any room unnoticed :)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Sam @TheFalcon</b>
</p><p>
  <span>What the FUCK??? Were you the one who glued all my shit to the ceiling???</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <span>You can’t prove anything </span>
  <b>@TheFalcon</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Steve @CaptainAmerica</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Give me back my shield </span>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@CaptainAmerica</b>
  <span> finders keepers. It’s my wall decoration now :D</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Tony Stark @IronMan</b>
</p><p>
  <span>PEYTON PARKER STOP LURKING IN THE VENTS </span>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Chad @Chaddicus</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Omg</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Flash @gottagofast</b>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s no way Parker knows the Avengers. Still lying about that internship for attention. How much did you pay them, Penis? </span>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Flash @gottagofast</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
  <span> maybe they just felt sorry for the little freak and decided to play along</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Ned @Gitc</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@gottagofast </b>
  <span>yeah hey, so why don’t you shut the fuck up you jealous bitch</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Black Dahlia @mmmj</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Flash I swear to God </span>
  <b>@gottagofast</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Who is this hoe and where do I find him to break his ankles? </span>
  <b>@mmmj @Gitc @gottagofast</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Tony Stark @IronMan</b>
</p><p>
  <b>@gottagofast</b>
  <span> I’m sorry what? How the fuck dare you talk to my kid like that you little shit. I’ll ruin your career before it even begins. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <b>Flash @gottagofast</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Holy shit! </span>
  <b>@IronMan</b>
  <span> tweeted me!!!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Tony Stark @IronMan</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I’m gonna do more than tweet you if you ever speak to my kid like that again. Say goodbye to your hopes and dreams if I see you call them a freak one more time @gottagofast</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</b>
</p><p>
  <span>My Kid </span>
  <span>👀</span>
  
  <b>@IronMan</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Black Dahlia @mmmj</b>
</p><p><span>My Kid </span><span>👀</span> <b>@IronMan</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Ned @Gitc</b>
</p><p><span>My Kid </span><span>👀</span> <b>@IronMan</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Chad @chaddicus</b>
</p><p><span>My Kid </span><span>👀</span> <b>@IronMan</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Cheesy boi @Thotlot</b>
</p><p><span>My Kid </span><span>👀</span> <b>@IronMan</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Anna @AvengersStan</b>
</p><p>
  <span>👀</span>
  <span>…..#IronDad ??</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>James Rhodes @WarMachine</b>
</p><p>
  <span>#IronDad confirmed </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Nat @RedDeath</b>
</p><p>
  <span>I knew it #IronDad</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Clint @cawcawbitch</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Baby Stark doodoo #IronDad</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Father still loves me :’) Does this mean I don’t have to go back to the orphanage? </span>
  <b>@IronMan</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Sam @TheFalcon</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck this means they’re staying, aren’t they? #IronDad</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
  
</p><p>
  <b>@TheFalcon</b>
  <span> why do you hate me, Mr. Wilson? :(</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Sam @TheFalcon</b>
</p><p>
  <span>YOU GLUED EVERYTHING TO MY CEILING!!! </span>
  <b>@PeyParks</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Tony Stark @IronMan</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Jesus Christ….</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Does someone want to explain to me why #IronDad is trending? </span>
  <b>@IronMan @PeyParks</b>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p><span>Byyeeeeee bitch </span><b>@IronMan </b>I’m out</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>7:30pm</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[tiktok starts and we see Peyton smiling at the camera holding up their left hand. They start talking rapidly]</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Put a finger down if one time your father figure made an emergency psychologist appointment because you threatened to yeet yourself off a building at 2am. And when you got there the person you were supposed to be talking to was a fifty year old boomer who spent most of the session invalidating your gender and blaming your problems on you, which sent you into an anxiety attack so bad that they sent you to the hospital because they thought you were having a complete breakdown. And when you got to the hospital they had to sedate you three times because the medicine wasn’t working, and even after the third time you were still awake and crying and spazzing and the nurses threatened to restrain you, which made you cry harder.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Two hours later the psychiatrist finally comes to talk to you and determines that you’re probably not an immediate threat to yourself and this hospital visit probably just made things worse and prescribes you some meds until you can get into a counseling center.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And Definitely-Not-Dad feels so bad about the whole thing that he takes you out for ice cream and buys you a new switch with animal crossing and orders you 25 new lego sets and gets you the puppy you’ve been asking for for months to make up for it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[Peyton puts a finger down and holds up an Australian Shepherd puppy with big blue eyes]</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“His name is Merlin.” </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. On Spiders and Caffeine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've decided to continue this story :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Peyton @ActualSquonk</strong>
</p><p>When you lie awake at night revisiting traumatic memories lol. Hey there demons, it's me, ya boi...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</strong>
</p><p><strong>@ActualSquonk </strong>it is 2am your time. Go to sleep </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</strong>
</p><p>And what the hell is a Squonk??? <strong>@ActualSquonk</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @ActualSquonk </strong>
</p><p><strong>@PrincessShuri </strong>I'll sleep when I'm dead lol</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @ActualSquonk</strong>
</p><p><strong>@PrincessShuri</strong> A squonk is a creature so ugly it spends all of its time hiding and weeping in shame. It dissolves into a puddle of tears to avoid capture. I too spend much of my existence weeping in my hiding places so I feel</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @ActualSquonk</strong>
</p><p>Look guys, it's me :')</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</strong>
</p><p>ASFDKLJLFDHS Peyton no! <strong>@ActualSquonk</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @ActualSquonk</strong>
</p><p>Maybe this is why my aunt abandoned me. I'm an ugly abomination. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mandy @Mandilyn</strong>
</p><p>What's your aunt's name? I just wanna talk to her <strong>@ActualSquonk</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Anna @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>Who hurt Baby Stark??? I'll fight</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @ActualSquonk</strong>
</p><p>A lot of people have but it's okay. It hurts a lot but I can deal :) <strong>@AvengersStan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lily @lilmonster</strong>
</p><p>I'm gonna throw hands...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @ActualSquonk</strong>
</p><p>Also, no one fight or get hurt on my behalf, please! You'll make me cry more than I already am and I'm crying a lot :/ </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @chaddicus</strong>
</p><p>Protect Baby Stark at all costs</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Cheesy Boi @Thotlot</strong>
</p><p>I would die for <strong>@ActualSquonk</strong> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rt</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>T'challa @KingofWakanda</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rt</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rt</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rt</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rt</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>The Avengers @AvengersOfficial</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rt</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @ActualSquonk</strong>
</p><p>You guys :/</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>[The Avengers Chat]<br/><br/></p><p>9:47am<br/><br/></p><p><strong>Sam: </strong>STARK COME GET YOUR DEMON CHILD<br/><br/></p><p><strong>Tony:</strong> Wilson what the hell are you talking about?</p><p><strong>Sam: </strong>THEY'RE CRAWLING ACROSS THE CEILING???</p><p><strong>Tony:</strong> oh yeah that's pretty normal for them</p><p><strong>Bucky: </strong>is it also normal for them to hiss and snap at you when you get too close?<br/><br/></p><p><strong>Scott: </strong>THEY HAVE FANGS I SAW THEM<br/><br/></p><p><strong>Natasha:</strong> Explain Stark. Now<br/><br/><br/><strong>Tony: </strong>an offering of quesadillas usually appeases the child when they get like this <br/><br/></p><p><strong>Clint:</strong> I'm not making quesadillas to get them to stop scuttling across the ceiling like a fucking <em>demon</em> <em>spider</em>!<br/><br/></p><p><strong>Shuri:</strong> 👀</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>T'Challa: 👀👀<br/><br/></strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Bruce: 👀👀👀<br/><br/></strong>
</p><p><strong>Steve: ^ </strong>what does this mean? What aren't you guys telling us? <br/><br/></p><p><strong>Thor:</strong> Why does the child have a knife?</p><p><br/><strong>Natasha:</strong> What</p><p><br/><strong>Tony:</strong> Oh shit-someone please get them a quesadilla </p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey:</strong> ⛥ F̵̢̩͍̦̍̏̄̓̓a̸̪͉̠̎̽͘͜t̸͉͈̝͔̩͗h̶̤̱̭͊͜e̶̝̪̞̬͎͆͂̋̚͝ṛ̶̯̈́̓̓ ψ</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey:</strong> ⛥ F̴̹̒͊̿͂a̸̽̎͐͂ͅt̵̞̗̻̀͋̀͜͠h̴̨̤̥̘̜̓̐̎̄́ȩ̶̜̖͇͗̈͊͜r̷̡̼̞̓̇̐̿͘ ̷̼̯͚̋͗̀̅I̴̡̮͈͕͚̒ ̵̘͉̼̉ͅc̸͕͋̉̚͠r̷͉͔̟̼̔͘a̸̛̲̣̯̾̑v̷̙̈́͐̂ę̴̥̠̥͈̿͗̾̿̕ ̵̬̿̑͝t̴͍͔̾̆̕͝h̶̻̥́e̷̼̬͛̎̆̌ ̶̹͒t̷̨̬̠o̶̧͔̚r̴̬̽̇̈́̀̚t̷͔̭̮̱̉̀̆i̵̞͚̥̤̊̅̆ľ̸͖l̴̟̖͍̆̕͜a̷̬̪̫̎ ̷̨̖̩͙̩̀̋͝t̴̢͈̥̦̎̂̽̋͠r̷͚̜̤̉́e̶̗͔̝͇̺̔̚ả̶̺̜͓̂̿̅̐t̸̪̳̉̆ ψ</p><p><br/><strong>Clint:</strong> whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhattheactualfuck</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p><strong>Peyton @ActualSquonk</strong> </p><p>Everyone meet my son, Merlin. If anything happens to him I will kill everyone involved and then myself. </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>MERLIN!!!!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>A good boi</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</strong>
</p><p>The best boi!!!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve @CaptainAmerica</strong>
</p><p>Remind me again why we suddenly have a dog when there has always been a strict no animal policy? <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @ActualSquonk</strong>
</p><p><em>I </em>have a dog you weaselheaded fucknugget. There is no <em>we </em><strong>@CaptainAmerica</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @chaddicus</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm wheezing</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mike @likemike</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>weaselheaded fucknugget</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Woah kid, chill. Why are you being so mean to cap? <strong>@ActualSquonk </strong> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @ActualSquonk</strong>
</p><p>He may be pardoned in the eyes of the law but not in the eyes of me <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p><strong>@ActualSquonk</strong> Pey, no.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @ActualSquonk</strong>
</p><p><strong>@IronMan</strong> Pey, yes (ง’̀-‘́)ง</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</strong>
</p><p><strong>@ActualSquonk</strong> Pey, no</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @ActualSquonk</strong>
</p><p><strong>@StarkCEO</strong> Sorry mother :( </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>Control your demon, Stark. They're being rude as fuck <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @ActualSquonk</strong>
</p><p>Mother <strong>@StarkCEO</strong> Mother I crave violence</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</strong>
</p><p>Can we please go one (1) day without a PR incident? One day?? <strong>@IronMan @ActualSquonk @AvengersOfficial</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>[Iron Fam]</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>12:45pm<br/></em>
</p><p><strong>IronDad: </strong>Kid, why are you being like this towards Cap? Publicly for that matter?<br/><br/></p><p><strong>PeyPey:</strong> No one beats up <em>my</em> Mr. Dad<br/><br/></p><p><strong>PeyPey:</strong> Not a vibe!<br/><br/></p><p><strong>PeyPey:</strong> Cruisin' for a bruisin' (ง’̀-‘́)ง</p><p><br/><strong>IronDad:</strong> .......</p><p><br/><strong>RoboUncle:</strong> Tones would reply but he's currently crying on the floor right now</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey:</strong> Oh no, Mr. Dad! Don't cry. I love you and don't like to see you cry</p><p><br/><strong>RoboUncle:</strong> Yep it's full on sobbing now. </p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey:</strong> Mr. Dad! D:</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>I will pay someone a generous sum to take the child and get them far away from me...<br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>[video]</em>
</p><p>"Okay internet, I am both concerned and disturbed by the events that took place last night while all of us were sleeping. I come into the living room and the first thing I notice is the leaning tower of cotton candy flavored Bang energy drinks next to a giant bowl of blue m&amp;m's."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>[camera pans over to show the coffee table before Sam turns and continues walking]</em>
</p><p><em><br/><br/></em>"And that is a lot of those damn things. I don't understand how the hell someone could consume that many and still be alive. But then again this is Baby Stark we're talking about. So I moved on and continued investigating, and then I saw it. I see this big ass stuffed dragon that I don't remember being here a few days ago. And he's tied to a chair, arms handcuffed behind this back, blindfold on."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>[camera focuses on the stuffed dragon]<br/></em>
</p><p>"Then I take a real good look at what else is going on with this dragon and I see the bear. That stupid bear Steve bought the kid in an effort to make nice. And the bear is dressed in all black and wearing a ski mask with a baton fasted to his hand. And next to the bear?"</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>[Sam turns the camera to focus on the bear and the tray next to it]</em>
</p><p><em><br/></em>"A TRAY OF TORTURE INSTRUMENTS. I walked in and this bear is out here about to extract some information from this dragon. I don't know what the dragon knows that the bear needs to get out of him, but I guess the dragon is involved in some shit he shouldn't be. I'm not sure where Peyton is but I have some questions. Mainly, what the fuck is going on in their brain??"</p><p>
  <em>[end video]</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Elle @boostan</strong>
</p><p>Is....is Peyton okay? <strong>@TheFalcon</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p><strong>@boostan </strong>I don't know but please free me from this quarantine</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bucky @JBBarnes</strong>
</p><p>I woke up to them staring at me from on top of my dresser. When I tried to get my clothes they hissed and tried to bite me again <strong>@TheFalcon</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Nat @RedDeath</strong>
</p><p>There is a mural painted on my wall that wasn't there when I went to sleep <strong>@TheFalcon</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Anna @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>Jesus Christ</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James Rhodes @WarMachine</strong>
</p><p>I'm glad I'm currently living at my apartment where I'm safe</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>I'm calling the psychologist again</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>1:00pm</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[the tiktok starts and we see Peyton wrapped in a blanket on a couch. They look exhausted]</em>
</p><p><br/>"Oh hyello there! You might be wondering where I've been these past few days. Well, after consuming enough caffeine to hear the sound that colors make I started having the shakes and the palpitations and felt like I was going to die. It also didn't help that I had already been awake for 72 hours when all the caffeine hit. But it's fine! I got a check up and a night-night shot to turn off my brain and was forcibly sent into dreamland while two super soldiers held me down. I still feel kind of shitty but I'm calmer now."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>[Peyton pauses, seeming to contemplate something]</em>
</p><p><br/>"I feel like there was a lesson I was supposed to learn during all of this, but it's whatever you know?"</p><p>
  <em><br/>[Peyton begins to chug an over-sized mug of coffee]</em>
</p><p><br/>"PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN RIGHT NOW!"</p><p><br/>"oopsie!"</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>[Peyton smiles and shrugs, continuing to drink their coffee while Tony screams in the background]</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Let me know what you think!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Demons?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I just had a Buzzfeed Unsolved marathon and I had to</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Posted at 9:00am:</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[Tiktok begins and we see a box and two garbage bags sitting on a messy desk]</em>
</p><p><br/>"I have successfully gathered the hoard and am preparing to dispose of them- Oops! Missed one."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>[we see Peyton bend down and pick up and empty cotton candy flavored Bang energy drink. They put it in the trash bag]</em>
</p><p><br/>"There we go and now I just gotta- wait, no, yes, no, yes!" <br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>[after a slight struggle they manage to pick up both bags and the box, all filled with empty Bang cans. Whistling they begin walking to the kitchen. When they get to the kitchen they stop after noticing all of the Avengers gathered at the table]</em>
</p><p><br/>"Oh hey guys, what's up?"</p><p><br/>....."Why are you all looking at me like that?"</p><p><br/><em>[Bruce sighs and removes his glasses, giving them a serious look] </em> "Peyton we all care about you so much and we can't watch this keep happening."</p><p><br/>"What?"<br/><br/></p><p>"This isn't healthy." <em>[He gestures towards the energy drink cans]</em></p><p><br/>"What!?"</p><p><br/><em>[Tony stands up and gestures towards an empty seat]  </em>"Kid, you have a problem. Why don't you just sit down and we can discuss-"</p><p><br/>"OH MY GOOOODDD IS THIS AN INTERVENTION !?!?!?"</p><p><br/>"Pey-"</p><p><br/>"I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM, FATHER! I CAN QUIT WHENEVER I WANT!" </p><p><em><br/>[they pick up an unopened can on the counter and crack it open before chugging it one go]  </em>"I just don't wanna."</p><p><br/>"Oh my God...."</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>1.4m likes</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>When you wanna die but you have a dog who loves you more than you love life haha lol</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>I never know if you're being serious or if you just a need a nap <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>Real talk tho, which one is it? <strong>@PeyParks</strong> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Wish I knew, fam :') <strong>@mmmj</strong></p><p> </p><p>[Spider Fam Chat]</p><p><br/><strong>My Boo: </strong>Rough day, bb?</p><p><br/><strong>Peyton: </strong>Real rough</p><p><br/><strong>My Neddy Boi: </strong>Do you want to talk about it?</p><p><br/><strong>Peyton: </strong>Not really</p><p><br/><strong>Peyton: </strong>Can we have a Buzzfeed Unsolved zoom party?</p><p><br/><strong>Peyton: </strong>If you guys aren't busy.....</p><p><br/><strong>My Science Babe: </strong>Never too busy for you</p><p><strong><br/>My Neddy Boi:</strong> Yeah dude, pulling up Buzzfeed as we type </p><p><br/><strong>My Boo: </strong>Currently setting up the Zoom call</p><p><br/><strong>My Science Babe: </strong>Sending you snacks via Doordash because my brother won't let me leave Wakanda to cook you dinner</p><p><br/><strong>My Science Babe:</strong> And giving them a $300 tip because I know how you feel about essential workers during lockdown</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>My Science Babe:</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>My Boo:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong><br/>My Neddy Boi:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p><strong><br/>Peyton: </strong>I really don't deserve you guys. I'm gonna cry again</p><p><br/><strong>My Boo: </strong>I'm ignoring quarantine and coming there to hold you right now</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>[Avengers Chat]</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>3:24am</em>
</p><p><br/><strong>Bucky:</strong> Why did every light in the goddamn compound just turn on?</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey:</strong> BECAUSE DEMONS MR. BARNES THE DEMONS. I WOKE UP AND SAW SOMETHING MOOOVVEEE</p><p><br/><strong>Scott: </strong>This place has demons? Why was I not informed before I moved in??</p><p><br/><strong>Tony: </strong>Kid there's no such thing as demons. Please go the fuck to sleep<br/><br/><br/><strong>PeyPey: </strong>But Mr. Dad what if there ARE demons here???? WHAT IF</p><p><br/><strong>Sam: </strong>Alright who the hell let this child watch horror movies or something before bed?</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey: </strong>It was Buzzfeed Unsolved, thank you </p><p><br/><strong>Natasha: </strong>I assure you there are no demons in this compound. </p><p><br/><strong>Bruce: </strong>Tony and Natasha are right. There is no such thing as demons</p><p><br/><strong>Thor: </strong>Are you certain? On Asgard we have many evil spirits. I remember the one who haunted my room as a child. My mother had to move me for my own safety</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey: </strong>SEE I TOLD YOU THEY'RE REAL<br/><br/></p><p><strong>Tony:</strong> Are you trying to make this worse!?!?</p><p><br/><strong>Bruce:</strong> THOR</p><p><br/><strong>Clint: </strong>JESUS CHRIST, Thor. Not helping!!</p><p><br/><strong>Steve: </strong>Alright everyone calm down. Thor, stop talking about demons. Peyton, there are no demons in the compound. </p><p><br/><strong>Thor:</strong> But there could very well be. Has anyone bothered to check? Spirits can be tricky</p><p><br/><strong>Sam: </strong>FOR FUCKS SAKE, MAN</p><p><br/><strong>Natasha: </strong>Thor I will kill you myself</p><p><br/><strong>Clint:</strong> ^</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey: </strong>Can someone please check for demons T-T</p><p><br/><strong>Bucky: </strong>We are not checking for demons. You're too old for this shit, kid</p><p><br/><strong>Scott: </strong>Stop being rude, man. They're a kid. Let's just make sure there isn't anything roaming around</p><p><br/><strong>Tony: </strong>No</p><p><br/><strong>Steve: </strong>We are not demon hunting at 3:30 in the morning</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey: </strong>Please Mr. Dad?</p><p><br/><strong>Tony:</strong> .....Fine</p><p><br/><strong>Rhodey: </strong>I've said it before and I'll say it again. Quarantining at my apartment was the smart choice </p><p> </p><p>[Mr. Dad &amp; Mrs. Mom Chat]<br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>5:15am</em>
</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey:</strong> Mr. Dad are you still awake?</p><p><br/><strong>Mr. Dad: </strong>Kid we checked every square inch of this compound there are no demons. I'm begging you, please go to sleep</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey:</strong> Can I stay with you and Mrs. Mom? Please...</p><p><br/><strong>Mr. Dad: </strong>Yeah kiddo, come on</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>[Daily Bugle]</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Peyton Parker (Stark): Troubled Teen?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>New information has come out about Tony Stark's illegitimate love child. Gender confusion, severe mental health issues, and addiction are just a few of things that are plaguing the Stark family. Click here for the full article. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>I am once again asking for the world to just leave me alone</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</strong>
</p><p><strong>@TheDailyBugle </strong>Remove this immediately. You'll be hearing from our lawyers shortly</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Oh no</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Oh NO!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>What?? <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Just did a bad thing. I regret the thing I did. And you're wondering what it is, tell you what I did. I did a bad thing. </p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</strong>
</p><p>WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT MESSING WITH THE SPIRITS BITCH <strong>@PeyParks</strong> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>MR THOR SAID DEMONS WERE REAL AND I SAW A SHADOW AND WANTED TO MAKE SURE THE COMPOUND WAS SAFE <strong>@PrincessShuri</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Anna @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>The real question is; are there actually demons at the Avengers compound? <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Cheesy Boi @Thotlot</strong>
</p><p>You guys can handle aliens but are you equipped to deal with demons? <strong>@AvengersOfficial </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @chaddicus</strong>
</p><p><strong>@Thotlot </strong>is asking the real questions. Can the Avengers live up to the challenge <strong>@AvengersOfficial </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lily @lilmonster </strong>
</p><p><strong>@PeyParks </strong>What did you find??</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>IT MOVED AND I WASNT EVEN TOUCHING IT ASKJDKSJDHKDSFH</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>MOVE IMMEDIATELY </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>It was nice knowing you <strong>@PeyParks</strong> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</strong>
</p><p>Looks like our Foursome just downgraded to a Thrupple. Rip <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>There are NO DEMONS at the Avenger's Compound. We are 100% demon free</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p><strong>@PeyParks</strong> who bought you a Ouija board?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Mr. Wilson and Mr. Barnes said I should face my fears and act like an adult <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>WILSON <strong>@TheFalcon</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve @CaptainAmerica</strong>
</p><p>Really, Buck? <strong>@JBBarnes</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</strong>
</p><p>Well, this just means that when Peyton can't sleep tonight <strong>@TheFalcon</strong> and <strong>@JBBarnes</strong> can stay up all night with them :)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>Fuck....<br/><br/></p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>[Demons are Scary]</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>PeyPey </strong>
  <em>added </em>
  <strong>AnnoyingBird, JesusHair </strong>
  <em>to the chat</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>2:18am</em>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>PeyPey:</strong> Are you guys awake?</p><p><br/><strong>JesusHair: </strong>Goddammit...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. For Science!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>So what if, and this is <em>definitely</em> hypothetical, but what if we could....bring back the mammoths? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James Rhodes @WarMachine</strong>
</p><p>I need you to tell me right now that you did not genetically engineer a mammoth because Tony wouldn't let you adopt a friend for Merlin <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>He needs a friend!!! Merlin needs his Arthur! Look how lonely he is :( <strong>@WarMachine</strong></p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>And I said it was hypothetical question <strong>@</strong><strong>WarMachine</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James Rhodes @WarMachine</strong>
</p><p>I don't believe you for one second <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Why don't you trust me, Uncle :(</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks<br/></strong>
</p><p>:)<br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>[Video starts and we see Peyton smiling into the camera]</em>
</p><p><br/>"Oh hyello there my little spiderlings! I've been getting spammed with so many questions lately along the lines of "what are you" and "where do you come from" and "why do you talk so funny sometimes". And to be completely honest I owe none of you an explanation but I'm in a good mood today! Lucky you."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>[we see Peyton walking around the kitchen, Bang energy drink in hand]<br/></em>
</p><p>"Let's start with 'what am I'. I assume all of you who asked me that are wondering what my ethnicity is because you feel like it's your business to know. Well, if you must know my father was Black and my mother was Hungarian and Jewish. You know, before they were violently murdered in front of me and I was alone with their corpses for five days. But that's a different story time."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>[A horrified Scott who is just trying to eat his cereal is seen in the background. Peyton ignores him and keeps walking, taking a sip of their energy drink]</em>
</p><p>"So there you have it; I am Black, white, and Jewish. You can stop asking now. The truth has been revealed. And if anyone comments on how I look "cute for a Black person" because I have light skin and many of my mother's family's genes I will personally hunt you down and beat you over the head with a book on colorism." </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>[Peyton continues walking, chugging the rest of the energy drink before tossing it over their shoulder and picking up another one off the coffee table]</em>
</p><p><br/>"And where do I come from? Queens! It's literally in my bio. If you can type this question I assume you should be able to read. But maybe I expect too much of you all? But I am from Queens so you fucktrumpets can stop telling me to "Go back to your own country" anytime now." </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>[Peyton flops onto the couch, cracking open the new energy drink and taking a swig]</em>
</p><p><br/>"But Peyton, if you're from America why do you talk so funny??? Well you see, after being traumatized by being left along with my parents corpses for five days-"</p><p><br/>"Jesus fuck-"</p><p><br/>"Quiet, Samuel. I'm speaking. Anyway, after being traumatized my mother's parents, my dear Nagyapa and Bubbe, decided that it would do me good to get away. Far away....in Budapest. So we packed up and went back to Hungary where I spent the remainder of my formative years being spoiled by old people and speaking nothing but Hungarian and Yiddish. But like all good things in my life, it came to the end with a bang. Literally. There was a gas leak and our house went BOOM while I was at school. Quite a shock to come home to I must say. But that's a different story time."</p><p><br/>"Holy shit. Kid what the-"</p><p><br/>"I'm going to have to ask you to kindly shut the fuck up, Legolas. Can you all stop interrupting me? Anyway, after my dear Nagyapa and Bubbe exploded into pieces I was shipped back to America because all of our other Hungarian relatives died in Hitler's gas chambers and my dad's brother and his wife were all I had left. Good old Uncle Ben and Aunt May. Now my grandparents, since they thought the move to Hungary would be permanent, didn't bother to continue working on my English skills. So when I arrived back in Queens I knew basically nothing and had to learn English from my uncle's wife who alternated between the thickest Queens accent you've ever heard and Italian."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>[Peyton pauses]</em>
</p><p><br/>"Of course Uncle Ben helped when he was home, but he worked a lot so it was mostly my Zia trying to make me speak this abomination of a language. It was a good time with Uncle Ben and Zia, but my life is a series of "Bangs" and he got gunned down while we were at the Bodega. But that's another story time." </p><p><br/>"Oh my god..."</p><p><br/>"ANYWAY," <em>[Peyton glares at someone off camera we can't see]  </em>"That is why I sound 'funny'. My accent doesn't know what it wants to be and I have no control over it. Bye bye~!"</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>[End video]</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Anna @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>I don't know whether to laugh or cry</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mandy @mandilyn</strong>
</p><p>This story was wild from start to finish</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Cheesy Boi @Thotlot</strong>
</p><p>Please tell me you have a therapist <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p><strong>@Thotlot </strong>the only therapy I need is Bang energy drinks. They numb the pain :')</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>The number of gray hairs on my head triples every time you post something new <strong>@PeyParks</strong> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p><strong>@IronMan</strong> This is the life you chose, Father :)</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>[Science Uncle]<br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>11:17am</em>
</p><p><br/><strong>Science Uncle: </strong>Why am I locked out of my own lab?</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey: </strong>I don't know. Why are you asking me? </p><p><br/><strong>Science Uncle: </strong>Because Friday says you're in there and you're keeping her from overriding the lock</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey: </strong>No I'm not</p><p><br/><strong>Science Uncle: </strong>Kid, just tell me what you're doing in there<strong><br/></strong></p><p><strong>PeyPey: </strong>Nothing</p><p><strong><br/>Science Uncle: </strong>Peyton please...</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey:</strong> NOTHING <br/><br/></p><p><strong>Science Uncle:</strong> You're acting like you're actually trying to go through with your mammoth idea</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey:</strong>......</p><p><br/><strong>Science Uncle:</strong> Wait you're not actually going to, right?</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey:</strong> *shrugs in science*</p><p><br/><strong>Science Uncle:</strong> PEYTON</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>[Mr. Dad &amp; Mrs. Mom]</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>10:00pm<br/><br/></em>
</p><p><strong>PeyPey:</strong> Mrs Mom, Mr. Dad....are you guys busy?</p><p><br/><strong>Mrs. Mom:</strong> What do you need? </p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey:</strong> A hug. The Internet is mean. I just wanted to show off my new dress</p><p><br/><strong>Mrs. Mom:</strong> I'm on my way</p><p><br/><strong>Mr. Dad: </strong>Who the hell commented? I'm going to have Friday look into this right now</p><p><br/><strong>Mrs. Mom:</strong> Tony!</p><p><br/><strong>Mr. Dad: </strong>I mean I'm going to look into this after we eat ice cream and have a movie night </p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey</strong><strong>: </strong>:)</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>If you were going to name a mammoth, what name would you pick<br/><br/></p><p>1. Beatrice</p><p>2. Matilda</p><p>3. Veronica</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</strong>
</p><p>OMG DID YOU ACTUALLY DO IT?? <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>Pey does this mean what I think it means? <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>Our baby is a genius <strong>@PrincessShuri @Gitc @PeyParks</strong> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bruce @NotThatDoctor</strong>
</p><p>Dear God....</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Scott @AntsAreFriends</strong>
</p><p>I think Beatrice is the correct choice for a mammoth <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>That's my favorite too! <strong>@AntsAreFriends </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve @CaptainAmerica</strong>
</p><p>Why are there strange elephant like sounds coming from down the hall? <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>I don't know what you're talking about, Stove <strong>@CaptainAmerica</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>If I come in your room right now am I going to find a mammoth? <strong>@PeyParks</strong> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @chaddicus</strong>
</p><p>Please God let there be a mammoth. I need this to be real </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lily @lilmonster</strong>
</p><p>I will scream</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lionel @Iamlion</strong>
</p><p>Don't be fucking ridiculous. You can't bring a mammoth back to life. That jurassic park shit isn't real. Especially if it's done by some dumb kid who doesn't know shit</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks </strong>
</p><p>~(-◎ω◎) <strong>@Iamlion</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lionel @Iamlion</strong>
</p><p>What the fuck does this mean?? <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>☠ I̵͇̲̎́̄͘ͅ ̵̣̦͈͙̪̇h̷̙͕͈̝̣̎a̸͕̞̺̓͌̅̓ṿ̶̗̹e̸̖̮̼̦͈̋̑̊͠ ̵̧̳͙͕̠̃͌̃͝b̸̜́e̸͉̒͌ĕ̴̡̜̟̣̍̀͜͝ṉ̵̺̮͑̇̍͝ ̵̥̈́͑i̶̢̳̜̭̽̓s̸̙͇͝s̶͔̘̊̀ű̴̢̢̖̩̘e̸͙̒́d̴͉̻͗̔ ̸̧̘̭̪̜͆̈́â̵̱̟͙ ̷̜̼̔̔̍̔c̵͖̬͇̺̋͜h̸̤͗̎â̵̪̻̆̍̕̕l̵͓͆l̷̳̻̗̦̍̾̐e̸͚͋̄̎n̸͉͓̭̐̋̀g̷̯̦̩͍̫̅̇̈́e̷̡̨̽̄͌ ψ</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Clint @cawcawbitch</strong>
</p><p><strong>@Iamlion </strong>........What have you done? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bucky @JBBarnes</strong>
</p><p>Do you realize what you've unleashed upon the world? <strong>@Iamlion</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p><strong>@Iamlion </strong>your ass is grass and I'm gonna mow it </p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>RISE MY CHILD </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p><strong>@Iamlion </strong>ゞ(ↂ ω ↂ)ゞ</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lionel @Iamlion</strong>
</p><p>No fucking way</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Anna @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>Holy shit....</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>We are NOT keeping that thing <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>You will have to pry my child from my cold dead arms<strong> @IronMan </strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Yes I know Daredevil. No I'm Not Explaining How</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>I'm happy to report that Merlin and Beatrice have become fast friends and are literally the cutest thing I have ever seen I'm going to cry omg</p><p>
  <em>[video of Merlin yipping happily while Beatrice pets him with her small trunk]</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>My depression is cured. My skin is clear. My crops are watered. The universe has righted itself</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks </strong>
</p><p>All is right in the world and nothing can spoil this moment for me. Nothing</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Enjoy this moment now because that thing is going to a zoo or a nature preserve once society opens again <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>I will remove your bones from your body and build a dog house with them <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Jesus christ. It's a MAMMOTH!! Do you know how big those things get? Where do you suggest we put it? <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Lucky for you I engineered Beatrice to be the size of medium to large dog <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Why do you hate Beatrice, Father? <strong>@IronMan </strong>#LetHerStay</p><p>
  <em>[video of Beatrice with her trunk wrapped around Peyton's hand. She's wearing a tiny hat and making happy mammoth sounds]</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Anna @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>Ngl, I may fight the <strong>@AvengersOfficial </strong>myself if anything happens to that baby #LetHerStay</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @chaddicus</strong>
</p><p>You cannot abandon her to the system #LetHerStay</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lily @lilmonster</strong>
</p><p>Beatrice. Deserves. Better <strong>@IronMan @AvengersOfficial </strong>#LetHerStay</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Vigilante Squad @NYCVigilantes</strong>
</p><p>You're not separating the kid and Beatrice <strong>@IronMan @AvengersOfficial</strong> #LetHerStay</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>This is ridiculous! It's a mammoth, people! We cannot raise a mammoth. And what the fuck is this <strong>@NYCVigilantes </strong>???</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bad @juju</strong>
</p><p>It's the <strong>@NYCVigilantes </strong>speaking the truth <strong>@IronMan </strong>#LetHerStay</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Nat @RedDeath</strong>
</p><p>#LetHerStay</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Et tu? <strong>@RedDeath</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>As much as it pains me to agree with your demon spawn, she is kinda cute... <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve @CaptainAmerica</strong>
</p><p>She is kind of cute, honestly. Buck seems to love her <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bucky @JBBarnes</strong>
</p><p>I will shove my metal arm up your ass if you touch her <strong>@IronMan </strong>#LetHerFuckingStayOrIllDoaMurder</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Clint @cawcawbitch</strong>
</p><p>Someones getting testy <strong>@JBBarnes </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James Rhodes @WarMachine</strong>
</p><p>Just give it up, Tony. You're not going to win this fight <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Thanks for all the support guys :')</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>Please help</p><p>
  <em>[video starts with Sam narrating]</em>
</p><p>"In today's episode of What Was Stark's Kid Up To Last Night, I gotta admit I was surprised. I came into the living room and everything was in it's proper place. There was a stack of empty Bang energy drinks on the coffee table, no big deal. That's normal for them. But then I saw the dragon dressed in black robes with weird symbols surrounded by similarly dressed creatures"</p><p>
  <em>[camera pans to lifelike stuffed dragon with a dagger fastened to one paw and a strange book to the other. It's surrounded by other stuffed animals focusing intently on their leader]</em>
</p><p>"Tell me why there is a goddamn cult gathering in my living room. It's a cult. They're all staring at their scaled leader while he gives some type of sermon. About what I don't know but the symbols do not look friendly. And what's with the dagger? He's holding a ceremonial dagger and when I saw this I was curious. Clearly the dagger must be important otherwise he wouldn't be holding it up for all the creepy little followers to stare at. So I asked myself what could he possibly need the dagger for? And I looked around and y'all..."</p><p>
  <em>[camera pans and we see the stuffed bear dressed in a white robe and tied to the table in a laying down position]</em>
</p><p>"I'm not expert but this looks like a sacrificial ritual is about to take place. I'm really starting to get concerned about this bear because first he had information that needed to be tortured out of him and now he's about to be sacrificed to some ancient entity. What is with this bear? And most importantly, why is the sacrifice taking place at all? What is the purpose and when the fuck did they have time to set this up?"</p><p>
  <em>[the camera turns around we see Sam's exasperated and concerned expression]</em>
</p><p>"I have some fucking questions. But they have once again vanished and I can't find them anywhere. Friday, where did they go?"</p><p>"Peyton is currently sleeping in your closet, Mr. Wilson."</p><p>"......I..."</p><p>
  <em>[video ends]</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>:) <strong>@TheFalcon</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>I swear to god if you don't get out of my closet <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>I already did, Mr. Wilson <strong>@TheFalcon</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>Then where the hell are you now?? <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Look up :) <strong>@TheFalcon</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Why is Wilson screaming like a little girl?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Because he's unobservant <strong>@IronMan </strong>I've been here for an hour. He should be more aware</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>COME GET YOUR DEMON OFF THE CEILING <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Anna @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>H-How.....how are they on the ceiling??</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bucky @JBBarnes</strong>
</p><p>We're convinced they're actually a demon who was sent here to fuck with us <strong>@AvengersStan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Daddy Satan asked me "Wouldst thou like to live deliciously" and I signed the black book <strong>@AvengersStan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Cheesy Boi @Thotlot</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>DADDY SATAN</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bucky @JBBarnes</strong>
</p><p>I......</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Every day I grow more and more afraid....</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>[Avengers]</p><p><br/>12:13am</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey: </strong>If anyone hears the strange sounds in the hallways tonight don't investigate</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey: </strong>Honestly just lock your doors and don't leave until sunrise. It's probably for the best</p><p><strong>PeyPey: </strong>Merlin and Beatrice are safe though so that's all that matters :')</p><p><br/><strong>Tony: </strong>Kid I'm gonna need you to start going to bed instead of doing shit like this every night </p><p><br/><strong>Clint: </strong>Yeah, hi. What the FUCK does this mean?</p><p><br/><strong>Bruce: </strong>At this point I've stopped asking questions and have just accepted that this is my life now</p><p><br/><strong>Sam: </strong>My heart can't take this anymore </p><p><strong>Scott: </strong>I CAN CONFIRM THAT YOU SHOULD NOT OPEN THE DOORS. I REPEAT DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR STAY IN YOUR ROOM</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey: </strong>ANT DAD NO! I'M COMING!!</p><p><br/><strong>Natasha: </strong>Not on your own, little spider. We will both go rescue your other father</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey: </strong>Thanks Mama Spider</p><p><br/><strong>Bucky: </strong>IT'S TAKEN STEVE WHAT THE FUCK</p><p><br/><strong>Tony: </strong>Oh my God. Do NOT let it escape I'm coming</p><p><br/><strong>Rhodey: </strong>What the hell goes on in this place at night?</p><p><br/><strong>T'challa: </strong>Don't question it. Just be happy that you are in your apartment as I am happy that I am in Wakanda and Shuri and Peyton cannot join forces</p><p><br/><strong>Shuri: </strong>Rude</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>9:30am<br/></em>
</p><p><strong>Pepper: </strong>I leave for three days to check on my mother and I wake up to this? What happened. Someone explain now</p><p><br/><strong>Tony:</strong> I think it's better you don't know what went on last night</p><p><br/><strong>Pepper: </strong>Explain. Now</p><p><br/><strong>Steve: </strong>Strange gave Peyton one of his books and they decided to try it out</p><p><br/><strong>Natasha: </strong>Which summoned something from another dimension that feeds at night and almost ate Scott and Steve</p><p><br/><strong>Scott: </strong>I'm scarred for life tbh</p><p><br/><strong>Clint: </strong>I'm starting to agree with Sam and Bucky that your child is a demon sent here to torment us</p><p><br/><strong>Sam: </strong>Finally you people are starting to get what I've been saying all along</p><p><br/><strong>Pepper: </strong>Peyton is not a demon, they're just chaotic. And Peyton we are discussing this when I get home, young person</p><p><br/><strong>PeyPey: </strong>Sorry mother :(</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Cheesy Boi @Thotlot</strong>
</p><p>So did anyone ever figure out why <strong>@NYCVigilantes </strong>has been tweeting <strong>@PeyParks </strong>lately? Do they know the Avengers AND these people??<br/><br/></p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Yeah what about it? <strong>@Thotlot</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lionel @Iamlion</strong>
</p><p>How do you know all these people? Who did you have to sleep with to get all this attention? <strong>@PeyParks<br/><br/></strong></p><p>
  <strong><br/>Chad @chaddicus</strong>
</p><p>Dude what the fuck?? They're FIFTEEN!! <strong>@chaddicus</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Anna @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>Disgusting</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>The fact that you would even suggest something as disgusting as that makes me sick. They are an actual child. Don't let me see you talking about my kid like that again. You are an adult <strong>@Iamlion</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Daredevil @DevilHK</strong>
</p><p>I will leave Hell's Kitchen and hunt you down. Try me <strong>@Iamlion</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Fuck you @FrankCastle</strong>
</p><p>There's a bullet with your name on it, kid <strong>@Iamlion</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>I miss you guys, too :') <strong>@DevilHK @FrankCastle</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p><strong>@PeyParks </strong>we're gonna talk about why you're hanging around with dangerous vigilantes. But also <strong>@DevilHK @FrankCastle </strong>I'll look the other way this time</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>I'm Tired @DevilSitter</strong>
</p><p>Well we gotta look out for our favorite kid from Queens :) <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>Oh God Why @</strong> <strong>VigilanteDoctor</strong></p><p>It's true, they're the only one who can guilt these idiots into taking care of themselves <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mr. Deadpool @Deadpool</strong>
</p><p>They're also the only one besides me who understands that none of this is real and some person is typing everything we're saying in a room somewhere <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>First of all, what the fuck are you talking about? Second of all, stay the hell away from my kid <strong>@Deadpool</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mr. Deadpool @Deadpool</strong>
</p><p>I see you talking but suddenly I can't read <strong>@IronMan </strong>Besides, do you really think you can control Peyton?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>He can try but he will be cast into the pit of failure <strong>@Deadpool @IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>The vigilantes and I are <em>connected</em>, Father. You can't separate us or I will die <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>I'm the one whose going to die because of all the stress you put me through <strong>@PeyParks </strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Itsy Bitsy Demon Child</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I just want to say thank you for all the wonderful ideas people are leaving in the comments. I see them and I love them, and they will definitely be worked into this story somehow. Y'all are fantastic. If you ever have a request, feel free to leave it in the comments and I will do my best to fulfill them in future chapters :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>[Avengers Chat]</p><p>
  <em>8:00pm<br/></em>
</p><p><strong>Thor: </strong>Stark we need to have a conversation about your child </p><p><strong>Thor: </strong>I found them in a hallway conversing with spiders and when I disturbed them the little creatures all attacked me as one</p><p><strong>Thor: </strong>I'll admit that I am not familiar with how children on Midgard work but they are starting to remind me of Loki</p><p><strong>Thor: </strong>Also they are currently on top of the refrigerator again maintaining direct eye contact while they eat a bagel and I'm afraid to look away. Please come remove them</p><p><strong>Tony: </strong>They're just chilling. Ignore them and they'll leave eventually </p><p><strong>Clint: </strong>Are...are we just going to ignore the spider thing?</p><p><strong>Sam: </strong>They can summon spiders now? Since when can they summon spiders?</p><p><strong>Sam: </strong>Stark why did you not inform me that this is something they can do? I would have quarantined somewhere else </p><p><strong>Scott: </strong>What's the big deal? I can talk to ants. </p><p><strong>Clint: </strong>Yeah and it's weird as fuck my dude </p><p><strong>Tony: </strong>Yeah they do that sometimes. There's a spider in my lab I'm not allowed to kill because "Katherine is my friend" </p><p><strong>Natasha: </strong>Katherine is a good spider but Nadya is still my favorite</p><p><strong>Sam: </strong>Are you encouraging this????</p><p><strong>Bucky: </strong>Umm...why is the kid stalking Thor in the kitchen?</p><p><strong>Bucky: </strong>Every time Thor looks away they inch closer. Is this normal? </p><p><strong>Clint: </strong>The fuck?</p><p><strong>Thor: </strong>Is this what happens before they kill you? </p><p><strong>Tony: </strong>Don't worry they're just playing around. Friendly stalking</p><p><strong>Clint: </strong>FRIENDLY STALKING???</p><p><strong>Steve:</strong> Tony we really need to talk about Peyton and all the weird shit they do</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>8:20pm<br/></em>
</p><p><strong>Bruce: </strong>Why is Thor running screaming through the compound?</p><p><strong>Sam: </strong>BECAUSE THE DEMON IS LOOSE THAT'S WHY</p><p><strong>Clint: </strong>THEY ARE LITERALLY CHASING US THROUGH THE COMPOUND</p><p><strong>Tony:</strong> Would you all relax, I told you they're just playing</p><p><strong>Bucky: </strong>THIS IS NOT PLAYING I AM IN FEAR FOR MY LIFE </p><p><strong>Scott: </strong>Really glad my Ant Dad status is protecting me</p><p><strong>Natasha: </strong>^ Spider-mom status </p><p><strong>Peyton: </strong>☠ P̴̹͔̞͒͑l̵̘͕͈̈͋â̴̯y̴̫̳͗ ̵͕̘͋w̷̢̠͙̫̪̃͗͛̄̓i̷̗̹͗͛̍͘͝t̴̙͓̥͕͊͌̄̓͘ḫ̸̖̟̣̽̒̊ ̷̛̱̜͈̺̎̓̔͠m̸̢̓̐̄̽̈́ḛ̴̥̉͐̀̈́̊ ̴̻̲͓̥̀̑̓I̶͉̺̩͕͇̽̏̉̀̊'̶̛̜̐̎̓m̸̡̜̠̰ ̷̱̝̊b̸̡͉o̸̩̟̱͋͋̈́̚ŗ̷͔͆e̴̗̤̍̉̚d̸̺̩͌̽͌ ψ</p><p><strong>Bruce: </strong>Aaaand, I'm sealing my lab now. Good luck everyone</p><p><strong>Bucky: </strong>HAS ANYONE SEEN STEVE???</p><p><strong>Rhodey: </strong>The man is probably dead</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James Rhodes @WarMachine</strong>
</p><p>I am happy to announce that all of the <strong>@AvengersOfficial </strong>survived last night mostly unscathed. The evil (<strong>@PeyParks</strong>) has retreated to the vents and hasn't been seen since </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>I don't believe this for a fucking second. They're just biding their time in there until we relax </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bucky @JBBarnes</strong>
</p><p>We almost died </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Clint @cawcawbitch</strong>
</p><p>They summoned SPIDERS to aid them in their murder quest</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Anna @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>I'm sorry WHAT <strong>@AvengersOfficial @PeyParks </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Thor @PointBreak</strong>
</p><p>They summoned the little demons and scuttled through the darkness with their brethren in an attempt to end our lives</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Cheesy Boi @Thotlot</strong>
</p><p>How? How do you summon spiders? That isn't a thing right? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @chaddicus </strong>
</p><p>I mean they did crawl on the ceiling that one time? I can't say I'm shocked </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Albert @alby</strong>
</p><p>For some reason their behavior feels familiar....but I just can't place it</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lily @lilmonster</strong>
</p><p>Have you guys located them yet? <strong>@AvengersOfficial </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve @CaptainAmerica</strong>
</p><p>No...no we have not. I'm starting to get concerned <strong>@lilmonster</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Please come out of the vents I have a bad heart and can't take your surprises <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Then perish <strong>@IronMan </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Amber @jewlzy</strong>
</p><p>OMG LMAOOO</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James Rhodes @WarMachine</strong>
</p><p>Jesus christ</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Chewing is too much work, therefore I will be dissolving all my food and drinking the liquefied insides with a straw </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @chaddicus</strong>
</p><p>Hi hello, what in the FUCK are you talking about? <strong>@PeyParks </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Dissolving my prey to make it easier to digest <strong>@chaddicus </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lionel @Iamlion</strong>
</p><p>Your PREY???? <strong>@PeyParks </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>The fun is all in the chase :) <strong>@Iamlion </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>PEYTON NO <strong>@PeyParks </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>Oh my god you can't say things like this online <strong>@PeyParks </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Every time I think I can no longer be surprised by anything they post I am proven wrong </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve @CaptainAmerica</strong>
</p><p>Tony there are things going on here that can no longer be ignored <strong>@IronMan </strong>mainly the fact that they are talking about EATING THEIR PREY'S INSIDES???</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>What have I been tellin y'all? DEMON</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Vigilante Squad @NYCVigilantes</strong>
</p><p>Maybe the kids just hungry. Are you feeding them properly? <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Why is it that you guys always show up when it involves my kid? <strong>@NYCVigilantes </strong>and who even runs this account?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Vigilante Squad @NYCVigilantes</strong>
</p><p>They were our kid first <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Cheesy Boi @Thotlot</strong>
</p><p>Ooooo, custody dispute <strong>@IronMan @NYCVigilantes </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Anna @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>Seriously though, how does <strong>@PeyParks </strong>know Daredevil and Frank Castle? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>I'm Tired @DevilSitter </strong>
</p><p>It is a long complicated story and it took eight years off my life <strong>@AvengersStan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Also Tired @OtherDevilSitter</strong>
</p><p>I still haven't completely forgiven <strong>@DevilHK </strong>tbh </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>If they're so friendly with these people can we just ship them back to their illegal friends? <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>At least they wouldn't put peppermint in my coffee :( <strong>@TheFalcon @cawcawbitch</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Clint @cawcawbitch</strong>
</p><p>For the last damn time WE DIDN'T KNOW YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO PEPPERMINT <strong>@PeyParks </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Vigilante Squad @NYCVigilantes </strong>
</p><p>They shouldn't have peppermint, citrus, tea tree, lavender, rose, cinnamon, or caffeine </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Vigilante Squad @NYCVigilantes</strong>
</p><p>But as their "Father" we assume you already know all of this <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan </strong>
</p><p>Who they hell do you guys think you are <strong>@NYCVigilantes </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Vigilante Squad @NYCVigilantes</strong>
</p><p>Their actual parents <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Maddy @madilin</strong>
</p><p>What is even happening right now?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Albert @Alby</strong>
</p><p>Is....is no one going to question just how spider-like Peyton is and why they hang out with vigilantes? </p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>[Avengers Chat]<br/><br/></p><p><strong>Scott: </strong>Why is the living room covered in elaborately knitted patterns? </p><p><strong>Peyton: </strong>Woven. I felt the need to weave</p><p><strong>Bucky: </strong>Okay but why in the living room?</p><p><strong>Peyton: </strong>Why not? </p><p><strong>Sam: </strong>Because I have to make my way through a goddamn spider web just to get to the couch</p><p><strong>Peyton: </strong>I needed to make a place to keep them safe</p><p><strong>Sam: </strong>Keep who safe?</p><p><strong>Peyton: </strong>Them</p><p><strong>Clint: </strong>Who is them???</p><p><strong>Natasha: </strong>Why does it look like an egg sac in the corner?</p><p><strong>Rhodey: </strong>w h a t</p><p><strong>Tony:</strong>........kid</p><p><strong>Tony: </strong>This cannot be a thing. I refuse to believe it </p><p><strong>Steve:</strong> Peyton what is in that sac?</p><p><strong>Peyton: </strong>My friends :D</p><p><strong>Tony: </strong>What does this mean? What friends?</p><p><strong>Peyton: </strong>FRIENDS</p><p><strong>Bruce: </strong>Please tell me you did not genetically engineer something else</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>The eggs are doing well :D Merlin and Beatrice will soon have siblings </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Anna @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>EGGS???</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Albert @alby</strong>
</p><p>I just....is no one else questioning how suspicious it is that they're so spider-like???</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>You shut your mouth and stop spreading conspiracy theories, Albert <strong>@Alby </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Albert @alby</strong>
</p><p>YOU HAVE EGGS. EGGS!!! <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>I will drink your insides with a silly straw <strong>@alby</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @chaddicus</strong>
</p><p>You know guys, he may be on to something here....</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>[Avengers Chat]</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>9:33am</em>
</p><p><strong>Peyton: </strong>Mr. Dad have you seen my hatchlings? Some of them escaped....</p><p><strong>Bucky: </strong>ESCAPED?? What escaped?</p><p><strong>Peyton: </strong>The hatchlings </p><p><strong>Clint: </strong>BUT WHAT HATCHED???</p><p><strong>Tony: </strong>Peyton, my child, light of my life....please explain to me why there is a spider the size of a dinner plate in my lab?</p><p><strong>Peyton: </strong>Because the hatchlings escaped </p><p><strong>Sam: </strong>I'm leaving right now</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. And God Said "Let There Be Moose!"....or something like that</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm back! I did not forget about this story. But grad school and internships are a thing :')<br/>Points to whoever can guess which of my favorite Tiktokers the opening of this chapter is based off of!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>[Tik Tok begins and Peyton is standing in front of the bathroom mirror]<br/><br/></em>
</p><p>"Day whatever of lock down and I lose more sanity with each passing day!" <br/><br/></p><p> <em>[it changes from showing Peyton in the mirror to showing Merlin rolling around on the ground]<br/><br/></em></p><p> "Merlin is thriving, aren't you buddy?" <em>[they reach out and rub his belly, he yips happily in response]<br/><br/></em></p><p> "Beatrice is a queen." <em>[the little mammoth holds out a flower towards the camera with her trunk]<br/><br/></em></p><p> "The hatchlings have accepted me as their mother." <em>[five good sized spiders skitter around a room filled with plants and webbing. one emits chirping sounds and races towards Peyton]. </em>"Awww. You're adoooorrrabbble. <br/><br/></p><p> "I found this strange cat lurking outback last night all alone." <em>[a baby possum climbs onto Peyton's shoulder]<br/><br/></em></p><p> "THESE ASSHOLES ARE LIVING IN THE POOL BUT AREN'T PAYING RENT!" <em>[four angry geese honk in outrage as Peyton approaches them and their goslings]</em> . "YOU CAN'T AVOID ME FOREVER! RENT IS DUE!" <br/><br/></p><p> "I definitely didn't sneak three goats into this pen at 4:30am while everyone else was sleeping." <em>[three goats are grazing contentedly]<br/><br/></em></p><p> <em>[the camera flips around and Peyton comes back into view]</em>  "And I haven't slept in 36 hours and long for the sweet release of death! Hooooyaaaaahhhh!" <br/><br/></p><p> <em>[tik tok ends mid scream]</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>3.7M Likes</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><em>        <strong>blewishdisaster</strong> </em> no one tell Mr. Dad about my goats </p><p>            <em><strong>tonystark</strong>  </em>YOU PUT IT ON THE INTERNET. THERE ARE 3.7M LIKES</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Okay, but what if.........prehistoric Stag Moose?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>NO <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>ABSOLUTELY NOT <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</strong>
</p><p>HELL TO THE NO!!! <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>BACK TO THE ORPHANAGE <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Father does not appreciate my genius :( <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @chaddicus </strong>
</p><p>Okay but where are they getting all of this DNA from? How? Why? Does anyone know?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lily @lilmonster</strong>
</p><p>I don't know but I'm here for the menagerie they are creating. Can I help you name the moose?! <strong>@PeyParks @Chaddicus</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton Parks</strong>
</p><p><strong>@lilmonster </strong>at least someone supports me :)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Anna @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>I don't understand how or why they do any of the things they do and I think it's best we don't ask <strong>@chaddicus </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Daredevil @DevilHK</strong>
</p><p>Because SOMEONE (<strong>@DragonSlayer</strong>) funds their bad habits <strong>@chaddicus @AvengersStan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Fist of Iron @DragonSlayer</strong>
</p><p>But they're so happy with their animal friends! <strong>@DevilHK</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Yeah because he's the Cool Uncle! <strong>@DragonSlayer @DevilHK</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Whoever you are I will find you and shove my gauntlet up your ass <strong>@DragonSlayer</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Fist of Iron @DragonSlayer</strong>
</p><p>&gt;:(    <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>*slams fists on table* LET THERE BE MOOSE</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</strong>
</p><p>Absolutely not. There will be NO MOOSE in this compound, Peyton <strong>@PeyParks </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Scott @AntDad</strong>
</p><p>I'm putting my foot down. No prehistoric stag moose <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Nat @SpiderMom</strong>
</p><p>Listen to your mothers and fathers, Peyton <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Too Sober for This @PrivateEye</strong>
</p><p>I can't believe I have to make a twitter just to tell you that there will be no prehistoric stag moose in New York <strong>@PeyParks </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>&gt;:( </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Fine....</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Now wait just a damn minute. You'll listen to them but not ME??? Your FATHER?? <strong>@PeyParks </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Daredevil @DevilHK</strong>
</p><p>You keep forgetting that me and <strong>@PrivateEye </strong>are their real parents. You and the avengers just swooped in and tried to usurp our positions <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mr. Deadpool @Deadpool</strong>
</p><p>How the fuck are you even typing all of this? <strong>@DevilHK</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Fuck You @FrankCastle</strong>
</p><p>He ain't <strong>@Deadpool </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Fuck You @FrankCastle</strong>
</p><p>And quit tryin to steal my niece! <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>I'm Tired @DevilSitter</strong>
</p><p>^</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Oh God Why @VigilanteDoctor</strong>
</p><p>^</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Please God No @DevilSitter2</strong>
</p><p>^</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Why am I here @HeroOfHarlem</strong>
</p><p>^</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Fist of Iron @DragonSlayer</strong>
</p><p>^</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mr. Deadpool @Deadpool</strong>
</p><p>^</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>This custody dispute is wild. Has anyone consulted the child in question as to what they want? <strong>@PeyParks @AvengersOffical @NYCVigilantes </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Prehistoric. Stag. Moose. <strong>@mmmj</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc </strong>
</p><p>PEYTON NO</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Dr. Phil, please help my family stop fighting :') <strong>@DrPhil</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @chaddicus</strong>
</p><p>WHAT IS HAPPENING</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sasha @bubblezz</strong>
</p><p>A custody dispute of epic proportions. Keep up <strong>@Chaddicus</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</strong>
</p><p>Peyton Parker: Civil War <strong>@PeyParks @AvengersOfficial @NYCVigilantes </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Is there a ranch big enough to send all of these people to? <strong>@DrPhil</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Trending NYC</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>#IronDad</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>#DevilDad</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>#CivilWar</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>#Whatthefuckishappening</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>#PrehistoricStagMoose</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>#NextTimeonDrPhil</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>I am begging you to send help. Please. PLEASE. I am TIRED</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>[video begins with Sam narrating]</em>
</p><p>"In today's episode of What Was Stark's Kid Up To Last Night, I come into the living room and I see a blanket fort surrounded by empty Bang energy drinks. I don't know how they managed to get them past Friday as we have developed a whole Bang security system in an attempt to curb their caffeine consumption, but that's no big deal. This is normal and expected."</p><p>
  <em>[he begins walking around an intricate blanket fort made of white blankets]</em>
</p><p>"I'm gonna look at this fort, which I gotta admit is a good fort! Skill went into constructing this blanket fort because by all accounts the shape and lack of visible supports for the blankets don't make sense. I have no idea how this thing is staying up. Because-."</p><p>
  <em>[His narration cuts off abruptly as the camera lands on a strange black symbol painted above the entrance to the fort]</em>
</p><p>"The hell is this shit?" </p><p>
  <em>[He zooms in closer]</em>
</p><p>"Oh no. Nah. This better not be a repeat of that cult shit. I remember last time. I remember that damned bear who was sacrificed for reasons I still don't understand. What the fuck......" He pauses. "Is that fire in there!?"</p><p>
  <em>[a faint glow can be seen through the white blankets]</em>
</p><p>"Y'all see this? Please tell me they did not set a fire and fall asleep or something. Now I gotta keep the goddamn compound from burning down. Who decided it was okay to leave them unsupervised? I blame Stark for everything." </p><p>
  <em>[grumbling he reaches out and yanks the flap open]</em>
</p><p>"JESUS CHRIST!"</p><p>"Hey Sam," a tired voice greets. </p><p>
  <em>[Peyton is sitting on the floor surrounded by lit candles, a oujia board sits in front of them]</em>
</p><p>"What the hell are you doing!?"</p><p>"I really want brownies. Specifically the brownies my Bubbe used to make. But she's, ya know, dead. So I figured I would try the oujia board. Cuz spirits and all that."</p><p>"I....."</p><p>"I really want those brownies, Sam. I really want them." </p><p>
  <em>[The planchette moves rapidly across the board, Peyton is not touching it]</em>
</p><p>"Ah! Thanks, Bubbe! I knew I was forgetting something!"</p><p>"......"</p><p>"Do you want brownies, Sam?"</p><p>"Fuck this shit, I'm out."</p><p>
  <em>[Sam turns around and flees the room]</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mr. Deadpool @Deadpool</strong>
</p><p>Okay but are the brownies good? Give us the answers we want birdbrain @<strong>TheFalcon</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Cheesy Boi @Thotlot</strong>
</p><p>Don't be shy, give us Ghost Bubbe's recipe! <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>THEY'RE SUMMONING SPIRITS AND ALL Y'ALL CARE ABOUT IS THE FUCKING BROWNIES</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>T'Challa @KingofWakanda </strong>
</p><p>You cannot go through the trouble of obtaining a recipe from the spirit world and not share it <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Hoyoy @xxbluexx4</strong>
</p><p>Holy shit is that the king of Wakanda?????</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>T'Challa @KingofWakanda</strong>
</p><p>How astute of you. You must be lauded for your intelligence <strong>@xxbluexx4</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</strong>
</p><p>BROTHER <strong>@KingofWakanda </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>Please....help me</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Until there's a vaccine we're in this together! <strong>@TheFalcon</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>I won't make it that long </p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>[Avengers Chat]</p><p>
  <em>9:15pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>PeyPey:</strong> Mr. Thor I found this! What do I do with it?</p><p><strong>PeyPey: </strong>[sends picture of themselves proudly holding up his hammer]</p><p><strong>Thor: </strong>.......</p><p><strong>Clint: </strong>Please don't break anything</p><p><strong>Thor: </strong>A MOMENTOUS OCCASION. WE MUST CELEBRATE </p><p><strong>Thor: </strong>I will get the mead</p><p><strong>PeyPey: </strong>Hell yeah!</p><p><strong>Bucky: </strong>Hell no!</p><p><strong>Steve: </strong>We do not support underage drinking in this household </p><p><strong>Peypey: </strong>This is why Thor is the Cool Uncle</p><p><strong>Thor: </strong>Exactly! I can't possible risk my position as the Cool Uncle</p><p><strong>Tony: </strong>My old man let me have a drink or two when I was Pey's age</p><p><strong>Tony: </strong>A celebration drink (1), can't hurt</p><p><strong>Bruce: </strong>TONY</p><p><strong>Sam: </strong>You've seen that demon hyped up on energy drinks and you think an alcoholic beverage is okay?? </p><p><strong>Natasha: </strong>I can't believe you're encouraging this! Absolutely not!</p><p><strong>Pepper: </strong>I'm never leaving you all alone with my child again...</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Oh to be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man swinging through the city </p><p>[video of Spider-man using webshooters to go from building to building]</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Spidey @TheresAHyphen</strong>
</p><p>Lol yeah it's pretty great <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Peyton @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>*gasp* SPIDER-MAN REPLIED TO ME</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>I........ <strong>@PeyParks @TheresAHyphen </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Clint @CawCawBitch</strong>
</p><p>What the fuck? The kid knows Spider-man too??</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Spidey @TheresAHyphen</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>👀</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Vigilante Squad @NYCVigilantes</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>👀</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>👀</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>👀</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Actual Princess @PrincessShuri</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>👀</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>T'Challa @KingofWakanda </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>👀</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Nat @SpiderMom</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>👀</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bruce @NotThatDoctor</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>👀</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>BuzzFeed @BuzzFeed</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>👀</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Clint @CawCawBitch</strong>
</p><p>WHAT'S WITH ALL THE GODDAMN EYES WHAT DOES THIS MEAN</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ryan Bergara @ryansbergara</strong>
</p><p>Don't forget to tune in this Friday for a brand new episode of BuzzFeed Unsolved: True Crime! Oh, what a tangled web some of us weave ;)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Spidey @TheresAHyphen</strong>
</p><p>Oh my gooooooooood </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Peyton is now a streamer on Twitch, we start to spend some time with the vigilante side of the family, and BuzzFeed prepares to release their special extended episode of BuzzFeed Unsolved.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know, I know. It's been so long since I've updated this and I'm so sorry. I'm currently existing in grad school hell :').</p><p>Anyway, this is a short chapter so I can get back into the swing of things. The next chapter should be (if all goes well), the BuzzFeed Unsolved episode!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>BlewishDisaster is Live on Twitch!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Streaming: Among Us</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Imposter: Sabotage and Kill Everyone</b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I have one mission in this round and that is to kill Samuel Wilson. If I accomplish nothing else besides his murder, I will go peacefully into the cold embrace of outer space when I am voted out. I will go gently into that goodnight, knowing that this mans is dead." </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[Peyton's blue character follows Sam's green character on screen]</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's right, Samuel, run away from the group. No witnesses-"</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[emergency meeting flashes across the screen]</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"GODDAMMIT!!"</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[Peyton unmutes themselves on Discord as the discussion board comes on screen, displaying the names of the 10 people logged into the game]</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>NeddyBoi: Alright, who called a meeting?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Falcon: I called this meeting because my life was in danger...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emmjay: Oh really, Sam? And why do you think your life was in danger?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Falcon: BECAUSE THE DEMON WAS FOLLOWING ME, THAT'S WHY!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>PeyDay: </b>
  <span>Now wait just a damn minute! I wasn't even doing anything!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Falcon: You were following me! You've been following me since this round started. That's sus, kid. Real sus. I don't trust you</span>
</p><p>
  <span>IronDad: Wilson I think you just have it out for my kid</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Falcon: DON'T DEFEND THEM. You know they're evil</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Quake: </b>
  <span>Well now you're just being ridiculous, Sam. You're letting your paranoia influence your decision making </span>
</p><p>
  <span>BBarnes: No, you know what? I agree with Sam. That kid is the imposter and you can't convince me otherwise. They're-</span>
</p><p>
  <b>PeyDay: </b>
  <span>No one asked for your opinion, Barnes</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Falcon: See, see! That's sus, they're being so sus-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>GodofThunder: But do we have any actual proof that the child is the imposter? And not just Sam's paranoia?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>NotaRaccoon: Who cares? We're all here anyway, let's just vote the kid off.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>PeyDay: </b>
  <em>
    <span>Excuse me??</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Korg: Okay, let's all take a deep breath people! We can settle this once and for all. Peyton?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>PeyDay: </b>
  <span>Yes?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Korg: Are you an imposter?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>PeyDay: </b>
  <span>Yeah </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Korg: .....oh</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emmjay: pfft, wHAT???</span>
</p><p>
  <span>NeddyBoi: Peyton oh my god!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>IronDad: Kid what the fuck?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Quake: </b>
  <span>Alright, you know what? Let's just skip this vote. Everyone is being ridiculous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>GodofThunder: I have to agree with Daisy. If Peyton truly was an imposter they would not admit it like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>BBarnes: Yeah I GUESS. Let's just skip for now</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[game resumes, everyone mutes Discord]</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"I cannot believe I just admitted I'm an imposter and they skipped the vote. I literally said I'm an imposter and nothing happened. How stupid can these people be? Oh my god. Okay, okay. But where's Sam? Where is Sammy Boy. It's time for him to die. Death is coming. And yes, chat, I see your comments. I see you all telling me to be nicer to Sam, but you know what? He's earned this. He has earned death. He ate the rest of my cereal this morning and that is a capital offence."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[Peyton's character rounds the corner and sees Sam's character heading towards the med bay]</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, YES. Imma getcha ya!"</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[before Sam can escape, Peyton kills his character. Unfortunately, Bucky rounds the corner at the same time and witnesses the murder]</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ooo shit. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. It's Barnes. I can't pull off a double kill yet. Alright, BIG BRAIN TIME, Peyton."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[Peyton reports the body before Bucky has a chance and they are taken back to the discussion screen. Peyton immediately unmutes themselves and starts yelling]</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>PeyDay: </b>
  <span>OH MY GOD I JUST SAW BUCKY KILL SAM! He killed him right in front of me by the med bay</span>
</p><p>
  <span>IronDad: Well, Barnes. What do you have to say for yourselves?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>BBarnes: THEY'RE A LYING LITTLE SHIT I SAW THEM KILL SAM</span>
</p><p>
  <b>PeyDay: </b>
  <span>You're just trying to frame me because you know that everyone here thinks I would kill Sam first. You're using that to cover your tracks, sir. But I saw you do it. I literally saw you kill Sam in front of me and then you tried to vent away</span>
</p><p>
  <span>NotaRaccoon: The kid has a point. It is pretty suspicious that you accused them of being an imposter without evidence, and now Sam is dead and you're saying they did it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>GodofThunder: The furry creature is right. I don't believe you, Barnes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>NeddyBoi: Real sus, dude. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Quake: </b>
  <span>Clearly Bucky is the imposter. It's obvious. We're voting him out, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Korg: Yes!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emmjay: Time to die, cyborg. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>BBarnes: YOU'RE ALL FALLING FOR IT. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE BUYING THIS NONSENSE</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[Bucky's character is ejected and the game resumes. Peyton leans back in their chair, staring into the camera with glee]</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"It worked! I can't believe it fucking worked. How did I pull that off? I guarantee you that will never happen again. I can't fucking believe I pulled this off. Oh my God, I am a deity." </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>Pops, I miss you <strong>@DevilHK </strong>and Ma <strong>@PrivateEye</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Daredevil @DevilHK</strong>
</p><p>We're coming to pick you up <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>I don't think so <strong>@PeyParks @DevilHK</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Fuck You @FrankCastle</strong>
</p><p>Well I certainly think the fuck so <strong>@IronMan </strong>. Pack you bags, kid. We're going on a road trip <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP RO-</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>You are NOT going to stay with criminals and that's final, Peyton Parker <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Funny, I don't remember the laws that make the Avengers legal either. You all just show up out of no where and punch things like every other vigilante, damage property, and go home :) <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>I.....</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bucky @JBBarnes</strong>
</p><p>Well they've got us there..... <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James Rhodes @WarMachine</strong>
</p><p>I mean, they're not wrong, Tones. Technically, TECHNICALLY, we are still, in a sense, illegal <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>And think about it this way <strong>@IronMan</strong>. We get like a week of peace and quiet. No weird cult shit. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Clint @CawCawBitch</strong>
</p><p>No inter-dimensional rifts that summon hell beasts at 2:30am</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve @CaptainAmerica</strong>
</p><p>My shield will no longer be used for "extreme Frisbee" </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bruce @NotThatDoctor</strong>
</p><p>The stag moose can't be risen from it's extinction without lab access</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Thor @PointBreak</strong>
</p><p>I can eat my breakfast in peace without a child staring at me from the top of the refrigerator </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Really feeling the love you, guys. Wow <strong>@AvengersOfficial </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>7:30am</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[Tik Tok begins and we can see Peyton in front of a mirror putting on thick eyeliner. Once their make up is complete they step back to reveal their outfit of black skinny jeans, a band shirt, converse, fake tattoos, and far too many band bracelets]</em>
</p><p>"Get ready to meet Devil Dad and Detective Mom."</p><p>
  <em>[the scene changes to reveal a kitchen in an unknown location. A woman in a leather jacket is speaking to Daredevil who is still in full vigilante costume. Peyton steps into the kitchen and dramatically throws their arms up]</em>
</p><p>"MOOTTHHEEERR! FAAATHHEEERR!"</p><p>
  <em>[both of their heads snap in Peyton's direction. Daredevil's mouth drops open in shock and the woman next to him has a horrified expression on her face as she takes in Peyton' appearance]</em>
</p><p>"P-Peyton?"</p><p>"CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES. THIS IS MY LAST RESORT. SUFFOCATION. NO BREATHING. DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF I CUT MY ARM BLEEDING!"</p><p>"Oh my god..."</p><p>
  <em>[Tik Tik ends]</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Description: Annoying my family pt. 37</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Vigilante Fam Chat</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>Pey:</strong> So....can I ask a hypothetical question?</p><p><strong>Foggy: </strong>What's up, kiddo?</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>So let's say that, hypothetically, someone was in a fight and threw themselves off a building</p><p><strong>Kare-bear: </strong>Peyton...</p><p><strong>Peyton: </strong>And HYPOTHETICALLY they landed really really hard</p><p><strong>Ma: </strong>Kid, you give me your location right now</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>Like really really hard, directly on a specific bone</p><p><strong>Frank: </strong>I'm calling Claire</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>And then it becomes visible?? Like through the skin. You can poke the pointy broken edges with your finger</p><p><strong>Danny: </strong>YOU HAVE A BONE STICKING OUT OF YOUR SKIN</p><p><strong>Luke: </strong>I'm going to be sent to an early grave because of your nonsense </p><p><strong>Foggy: </strong>Dear God, Stark is going to try and sue us for full custody, isn't he? They come to visit for one week and a bone pops through their skin</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>And then it starts bleeding A LOT and it makes them feel wooozzyyyy lol </p><p><strong>Ma: </strong>PEYTON PARKER YOU TELL US WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>lol I wish I knew </p><p><strong>Kare-bear: </strong>Jesus christ, I'm installing a tracking device on you</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[Video starts and we see Peyton laying on a couch, bandaged leg propped up on pillows]</em>
</p><p>"Oh hyello there! You might be wondering why it looks like I have a mummy's leg. Well that is because this underneath this mess of wound dressings is my leg that only 8 hours ago had a bone sticking out of it!"</p><p>"Oh my god-"</p><p>"Shush! I'm recording!"</p><p>"As I was saying before Uncle Frank rudely interrupted me, my bone tried to exit my body and say hello to the world. And it hurt. A LOT. But no worries, Devil Dad came to find me before the blood loss got too bad and took me to the doctor where everything was shoved back into place and bandaged so it can't try to escape again."</p><p>
  <em>[Peyton pauses, seemingly contemplating something]</em>
</p><p>"But I wonder if these banages will be enough to contain it as it is very close to Halloween and everyone knows that the skeletons try to escape this time of year to go perform dark rituals in the woods under the full moon."</p><p>"<em>Did we drug the kid?? Are they high or something?"</em></p><p>"God, I wish I was."</p><p>"PEYTON!"</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Devil Dad and Detective Mom Chat</b>
</p><p> </p><p><b>Pey: </b>Hey guys</p><p><b>Pey: </b>Wait, is text to voice/voice to text working on your phone again?</p><p><b>Devil Dad: </b>Yes. What do you need? I thought you were in bed. </p><p><strong>Detective Mom: </strong>It is 3:30am. This better be good</p><p><b>Pey: </b>I can't sleep</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>And I didn't tell you guys goodnight before bed</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>And that I love you</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>So goodnight and I love you</p><p><strong>Detective Mom: </strong>What have I told you about being sappy?</p><p><strong>Detective Mom:....</strong>Love you too, kid</p><p><strong>Devil Dad: </strong>Love you. Now get to sleep. You have online classes in the morning</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>Uggghhhhhh. Fine</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Co-Parent Chat</strong>
</p><p><strong>Jessica: </strong>I'm not crying, you're crying</p><p><strong>Matt: </strong>You're definitely crying</p><p><strong>Jessica: </strong>Shut your mouth, Murdock. </p><p><strong>Matt: </strong>I will not</p><p><strong>Jessica: </strong>Fucker</p><p><strong>Jessica: </strong>Our kid is pretty great, huh?</p><p><strong>Matt: </strong>The best</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>BuzzFeed Unsolved @Unsolved</strong>
</p><p>Don't forget to tune in tomorrow at 3pm PST for our extended Unsolved Special: The Mystery of New York's Friendly Neighborhood Spider-man!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Spidey @TheresaHyphen</strong>
</p><p>ASKJDDAKBDKADB I'M FAMOUS</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>You were already famous, my dude. You have action figures and everything <strong>@TheresaHyphen</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Spidey @TheresaHyphen</strong>
</p><p>You right you right <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>I mean, how could you NOT love Spider-man?? <strong>@TheresaHyphen</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Why do you do this..... <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Why do I do what, Mr. Dad? <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ton Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>You know what? I take it back. I'm not going to engage with this. You go ahead <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. I'm Streaming, I'm Screaming, I'm Swan Diving Into The Abyss (it calls me)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peyton continues streaming (and simping over fellow teenage high school streamer: Ghost Husband). Family shenanigans. Sam will never know peace again. Moose? Moose.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, I'm literally about to create to non-binary support group on discord because the world is garbage and we deserve a place to vent and be ourselves. I am your parent now. I will love and support you. </p><p>2nd Gaming scene based off of: Markplier (reference video: WADE LITERALLY LAUGHS WHILE I DROWN)<br/>Simping over Ghost Husband based off of: interactions between Jason and Corpse Husband<br/>***For the love of God watch both</p><p>Also I PROMISE you the BuzzFeed Unsolved episode is coming. I've been hyping it up for two chapters now, but it's a really involved process to create a whole goddamn episode script lmao. But I promise you, cross my heart hope to die stick a needle in my eye, that chapter 11 will be the long awaited Peyton/Spidey conspiracy theory episode (that's not really a conspiracy theory yet everyone just goes about their day like it's not an issue). In the meantime please accept this chapter and chapter 10 (tomorrow) as a peace offering...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>[Tik tok begins and we see Peyton standing in a doorway. Behind them, Jessica and Luke can be seen sitting on the couch and watching a movie. They are oblivious to Peyton's presence]</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Detective Mom has been busy all day. And now she's watching a scary movie with Uncle Luke."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[Peyton looks between them and the camera, a blank expression on their face]</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"I feel neglected..."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[scene changes and we are given a view of the open window across from the couch. Jessica and Luke are still peacefully enjoying their movie...]</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"MOOOTTHHHEEERRRRR!!!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"SON OF A BIT-" </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[the bowl of popcorn goes flying as they jump up from the couch. Peyton stands outside the open window with a Michael Meyers mask on, looking in at them]</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"DEBBIE JUST HIT A WALL! SHE NEVER HAD IT ALL! ONE PROZAC A DAY! HUSBANDS A CPA!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Peyton please. I'm begging you..."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>[tik tok ends]</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Description: Annoying My Family pt. 38</b>
</p><p> </p><p><b>              TonyStark </b><em>I'm suddenly glad we came to a custody agreement<br/><br/>                     </em><strong>BlewishDisaster </strong><em>fear not, Iron Dad. I will share with you my talent for singing when I come home :)<br/><br/></em> <strong>                                 TonyStark </strong><em>please do not</em><em><br/><br/></em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>BlewishDisaster is Live on Twitch!</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>Streaming: Among Us</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Crewmate: Complete your tasks to win</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Quake: Oh, Ghost is here! Ghost, say hi to everyone</p><p>Sam: Ghost?</p><p>Quake: Ghost Husband! He's joining us today. Introduce yourself</p><p>Ghost: Hey </p><p>Shuri: Oh my lord, I didn't know your voice could go any deeper!</p><p>PeyDay: <em>[Peyton almost spits out their water] </em>Oh, oh my god. </p><p>Ghost: Haha, not God, just me </p><p>PeyDay: <em>[mutes themselves and turns to look directly at the camera] </em>If he asked me to leave my Foursome I just might. </p><p>PeyDay: Every time I hear his voice it just makes me <em>[</em><em>flails and wiggles eyebrows]</em></p><p>Bucky: How the hell does a 17 year old have a deeper voice than me?</p><p>Ghost: I promise I haven't smoked anything, nor is this a voice changer</p><p>Ghost: Wait, was that Peyton?</p><p>Ghost: Peyton</p><p>PeyDay: <em>[unmuting themselves] </em>Yes Deep Daddy-</p><p>Emjay: DEEP DADDY</p><p>Quake: I- what? hahaha I can't believe you just said that</p><p>Tony: Please remember your father is here.....and does not want to know what you teenagers get up in your spare time</p><p>Ned: THE THIRST IS STRONG IN YOU</p><p>Ghost: <em>Peyton</em></p><p>PeyDay: Yes? <em>[turning red and trying to hide in their hoodie]</em></p><p>Ghost: It's wonderful to see you again. I missed you. </p><p>PeyDay: Oh my</p><p>PeyDay: <em>[undignified squeak and choking noises]</em></p><p>Korg: I think Peyton might be dying. At least that's what my chat is saying...</p><p>Ghost: How can they be dying? I haven't murdered them yet</p><p>Emmjay: I'm sure they'd let you murder them any day</p><p>Ned: MJ!!!</p><p>Tony: Please...for the love of God. I don't want to know what they do...<em>safely!!!!!......</em>in their spare time</p><p>PeyDay: <em>[dying whale noise]</em></p><p>Quake: I think we lost them</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[video starts and we see Peyton laying on a couch, covered in a rainbow blanket. They are trying to contain their laughter]</em>
</p><p>"So, guys. You'll never believe what pffft-" <em>[they cover their mouth and try to compose themselves]</em></p><p>"You'll never believe what happened! So I turn on my phone this morning and there's this voicemail from someone named Charlotte. And Charlotte....Charlotte was calling from the Dr. Phil production team!!"</p><p>
  <em>[Peyton starts cackling and almost rolls off the couch]</em>
</p><p>"MY PLEA WORKED! THIS MANS ACTUALLY RESPONDED AND WANTS PFFT-... WANTS ME TO COME ON HIS SHOW AND- HAHAA"</p><p>
  <em>[at this point they are laughing so hard they can hardly breathe, tears are visible]</em>
</p><p>"I'm crying! Th-These are r-real fucking tears! The Dr Phil- ahaha, The Dr. Phil show wants to...meet my family and I-!"</p><p>
  <em>[they try to calm themselves]</em>
</p><p>"Okay, okay. I'm fine now. I'm calm. But guys, GUYS. Do I do it? Should I do it? Do I expose myself in this way?? I mean, I've already spilled my guts to the internet, what more harm could this do?"</p><p>"<em>What if he tries to send <strong>me </strong>to the ranch!?!?"</em></p><p>
  <em>[video ends]</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Guys <strong>@AvengersOfficial @NYCVigilantes (</strong> I know you follow my twitter <strong>@MaySParker </strong>even after you kicked me out)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>BABY NO OMG <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>LMAOOOO THE QUESTIONS WE ARE ABOUT TO RECEIVE ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIPPPP </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Shuri @ActualPrincess</strong>
</p><p>NOOOOOOOOOO. Mshikaji what have you dooone <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>I'm Tired @DevilSitter1</strong>
</p><p>I knew my legal trouble senses were tingling <strong>@PeyParks </strong>how about no? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</strong>
</p><p>I knew my PR nightmare senses were tingling <strong>@PeyParks </strong>please tell me you are not going to be the subject of a Dr. Phil episode? Please...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Anna @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>OMG IS THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENING OMGGGGG</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @Chaddicus</strong>
</p><p>This keeps getting better and better</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lol @Ghe7675</strong>
</p><p>How many people does it take to settle a custody battle between super heroes? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>RANCH RANCH RANCH RACH TO THE FUCKING RANCH </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p><strong>@DrPhil </strong>please! Please Dr. Phil! Send this child to the RANCH</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>I'll escape :) <strong>@TheFalcon </strong>no worries. The ranch will not tear this friendship apart, Samuel!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>Let. It. Die <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>I can't believe this shit. NO, the <strong>@AvengersOfficial </strong>will NOT be appearing on <strong>@DrPhil. </strong>Thank you and have a good day </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bucky @JBBarnes</strong>
</p><p>I already provided helpful information <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Clint @CawCawBitch</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>^</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Too Sober For This @PrivateEye</strong>
</p><p>You've got to be fucking kidding me</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Cheesy Boi @Thotlot</strong>
</p><p>Who needs the Kardashians when we have Keeping Up With Peyton Parker??</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jay @Jaystay</strong>
</p><p>The only reality show the world needs <strong>@Thotlot</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bruce @NotThatDoctor</strong>
</p><p>You know, I had a good gig going in India. I should have stayed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James Rhodes @WarMachine</strong>
</p><p>I have a spare room. Join me in the peace that is a demon free home <strong>@NotThatDoctor</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?? <strong>@WarMachine</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James Rhodes @WarMachine</strong>
</p><p>Nah man, the kids too attached to your suffering. Don't bring that shit here <strong>@TheFalcon</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Fuck You @FrankCastle</strong>
</p><p>Well I guess it's a good thing we know some decent lawyers</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Nick Fury @TheDirector</strong>
</p><p>I cannot believe I have to come on this website to tell y'all to shut this the fuck down</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>It's too late, Mr. Fury. The wheel of fate cannot be stopped <strong>@TheDirector</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mr. Pool @Deadpool</strong>
</p><p>GASP YOU'RE FAMOUS! OUR BABY HAS GROWN INTO A STAR <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>WAAAAAADDDDEEEEE WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN I MISS YOU D:&lt; <strong>@Deadpool</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mr. Pool @Deadpool</strong>
</p><p>Well you see the author of this narrative is a forgetful shit and wrote me in like twice then proceeded to forget about me <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mr. Pool @Deadpool</strong>
</p><p>Despite me being one of their "favorite characters" <strong>@PeyParks </strong><strong>@RenIsntHome</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Ren how could you??? <strong>@RenIsntHome</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Who the hell is "Ren"? Is this another member of your merry band of criminals? <strong>@PeyParks @Deadpool</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>They're the one who is controlling our every thought, action, and life experience from an undisclosed location. Sometimes they play God quite frequently, other times we go weeks without our story advancing <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bruce @NotThatDoctor</strong>
</p><p>I need you to be honest, are you high on something right now? <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mr. Pool @Deadpool</strong>
</p><p>You're only asking them that because Ren is typing it in an effort to make a funny <strong>@NotThatDoctor</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Psychiatrist. As soon as you get back <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Only if Ren remembers where they left off in the plot. Their ADHD is much realer than mine, you know <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>I.......need a drink</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>BlewishDisaster is Live on Twitch!</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Streaming: "Barotrauma", with</strong>
  </em>
  <em>
    <strong>TheRealFalcon and JesusHair</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[Peyton, Sam, and Bucky's characters are roaming around on am underwater ship. An alarm goes off, signaling the arrival of the swarm they are trying to defeat]</em>
</p><p><em>[Peyton shouting] </em>"The swarm! The swarm is here! Bucky man the guns! The swarm!"</p><p>"Oh shit!"</p><p>"SWARM SWARM! THE SWARM IS HERE! I REPEAT THE SWARM IS HERE! TOP OF THE SHIP BOTTOM OF THE SHIP! GUNS AREN'T WORKING."</p><p><em>[Sam sighs] </em>"We're gonna have to go out there and shoot them. Give me a gun."</p><p>"OH GOD THE SHIP GUNS AREN'T ENOUGH!"</p><p>"I'm going-" </p><p>"SWARM!"</p><p>"I told you I'm going out there and I'm gonna shoot 'em!. Goodbye everyone." <em>[Sam's character exits the ship and starts swimming]</em></p><p>"Bye Sam!" <em>[Bucky yells cheerfully while he mans the guns on the ship]</em></p><p>"Now where the fuck are these things? Kid, give me some directions."</p><p>"They're um....top left. Top left!"</p><p>"Top left. Got it- wait, what the fuck? Why are falling!? Are we falling??" <em>[Sam's character proceeds to get slammed downward by the ship]</em></p><p>"Oops! Sorry, going up."</p><p>"Okay, okay, we're not falling anymore- wait! DON'T GO UP WITHOUT ME!!!" <em>[Peyton proceeds to move the ship upward, leaving Sam stranded towards the bottom of the ocean]</em></p><p>"Pffft- Sam, did we leave you behind?"</p><p>"<em>Yes, </em>Barnes! Y'all left me behind."</p><p>
  <em>[Peyton is wheezing with laughter as Sam's character swims upward towards where he last saw the ship]</em>
</p><p>"Why are you laughing!? <strong>I am in the middle of the ocean with the <em>swarm</em></strong>." </p><p>"Pffftttttt, ahahaha. Sorry, I'm sorry." </p><p>"Are you moving? Is the ship moving?"</p><p><em>[Bucky yelling] </em>"The swarm is still attacking the ship!"</p><p>"I'm trying to get <em>to </em>the ship! Are. You. Moving?"</p><p>"No, no. We're stationary. I've stopped the ship." </p><p>
  <em>[Peyton's laughter dies off, Sam continues to swim upwards but there is no sign of the ship. He's about to ask where they are again when shapes begin swimming towards him]</em>
</p><p>"AHHHHHH. OH THEY FOUND ME!"</p><p>"HAHA-"</p><p>"OH NO- SAM!"</p><p>"WELL I'M OUT OF AMMO OH BOY HERE WE GO. NO AMMO, SEE YOU JESUS REAL SOON!"</p><p>
  <em>{Peyton laughing and wheezing uncontrollably with Bucky joining in]</em>
</p><p>"Oh god akjsksbsh, I- with my last breath I curse you Peyton, goddamn you!"</p><p>
  <em>[Bucky and Peyton continue fending off the swarm as Sam's character slowly dies in the abyss, paying no attention to his screams]</em>
</p><p><em>[Bucky] </em>"Whew! We did it! Sam didn't help though, but good job us." </p><p><em>[Peyton] </em>"Yeah, I don't know where Sam went."</p><p>"I hate you both."</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Ahem</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>I would like to announce the birth of my new son</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Everyone say hello to Maxwell Moosen, the First of His Name, Ruler of Stag Moose everywhere </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Do not be fooled by his current small stature. He will grow into a mighty warrior one day of formidable height and strength!</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lily @lilmonster</strong>
</p><p>I'M GONNA SCREAM </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @Chaddicus</strong>
</p><p>STAG MOOSE STAG MOOSE STAG MOOSE STAG MOOSE STAG MOOSE</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Thor @GodofThunder</strong>
</p><p>A MIGHTY STEED TO RIDE INTO BATTLE!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>HIS PREHISTORIC GLORY SHALL REIGN SUPREME</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bruce @NotThatDoctor</strong>
</p><p>How? HOW? There was no lab access? It's not possible</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Why Am I Here @HeroofHarlem</strong>
</p><p>*coughs* <strong>@DragonSlayer</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Iron Fist @DragonSlayer</strong>
</p><p>........BUT THEY WERE SAD AND ANIMALS MAKE THEM HAPPY</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Daredevil @DevilHK</strong>
</p><p>We need to have a talk about you enabling my kid <strong>@DragonSlayer</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Well look at that, we finally found something we can agree on <strong>@DevilHK</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Scott @AntDad</strong>
</p><p>I'm pretty sure we all said no moose, Peyton <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Oooo, the entire Trio of Dad has been summoned lol </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Yeah, the trio of dads that will be sending the moose to graze somewhere else! <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>I will rip out your beating heart and feed it to my spiders if you touch my son...<strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Budapest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In case you were wondering what Peyton is singing in this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0azhi_w8AD0<br/>(with vigilante tailored lyrics, of course)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>I'm so glad <strong>@stevekornacki </strong>has been freed. Give this man a raise and a paid staycation. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p><strong>@stevekornacki </strong>Thank you for your service, you can rest now</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>The hero we didn't know we needed <strong>@stevekornacki</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Dylan @MAGA2020</strong>
</p><p>FUCK YOU FUCK BIDEN MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN <strong>@PeyParks </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Dylan @MAGA2020</strong>
</p><p>TRUMP WON THE ELECTION AND YOU ALL ARE TRYING TO STEAL IT <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Dylan @MAGA2020</strong>
</p><p>STUPID **** WE'RE GONNA KILL YOUR FAMILY <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Ahem</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks </strong>
</p><p><strong>🎶 </strong>What the fuck did you just fucking say to me, you little bitch~ 🎶 <strong>@MAGA2020</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Shuri @ActualPrincess</strong>
</p><p>Oh no...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p><strong>🎶 </strong>I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in vigilante justice~ 🎶 <strong>@MAGA2020</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>What is happening? What does this mean??</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>A disaster <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p><strong>🎶 </strong>I've been involved in numerous secret raids on The Hand 🎶 <strong>@MAGA2020</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>I'm Tired @DevilSitter1</strong>
</p><p>Peyton I need you to STOP right now <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>🎶 And I have over 300 confirmed kills~ 🎶 <strong>@MAGA2020</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>EXCUSE ME??? <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>🎶 I am trained in GORILLA WARFARE~~ and I'm the top unaliver in the entire city of New York~ 🎶 <strong>@MAGA2020</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Fuck You @FrankCastle</strong>
</p><p>I like this song <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mr. Pool @Deadpool</strong>
</p><p>*wipes tear* We taught our baby well! <strong>@FrankCastle</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</strong>
</p><p>DO NOT ENCOURAGE THIS <strong>@FrankCastle @Deadpool </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>🎶 You are nothing to me but just another target~ 🎶 <strong>@MAGA2020</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lily @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>Are they.....what? WHAT?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @Chaddicus</strong>
</p><p>So this settles it, right? Our suspicions are confirmed?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Albert @Alby564</strong>
</p><p>HAH I KNEW IT!!!!!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks </strong>
</p><p>🎶 I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth 🎶 <strong>@MAGA2020</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve Rogers @CaptainAmerica</strong>
</p><p>Tony.....I'm starting to get concerned here <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bruce @NotThatDoctor</strong>
</p><p>Why do I believe them?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Too Sober for This @PrivateEye</strong>
</p><p>I leave you unsupervised for ONE hour and I come back to this <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Too Sober for This @PrivateEye</strong>
</p><p>.......I approve <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Daredevil @DevilHK</strong>
</p><p>^ I second this <strong>@PrivateEye @PeyParks </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Oh God Why @DevilSitter2</strong>
</p><p>HOW ABOUT WE DON'T SUPPORT THIS <strong>@PrivateEye @DevilHK</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Nat @SpiderMom</strong>
</p><p>I admire their boldness </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Scott @AntDad</strong>
</p><p>And it's in song form!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>THERE ARE THREE SETS OF PARENTS HERE AND TWO ARE ENCOURAGING MURDER THREATS!?!?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p><strong>🎶 </strong>YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH SAYING THAT SHIT TO ME OVER THE INTERNET? 🎶 <strong>@MAGA2020</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p><strong>🎶 </strong>Think again, Fucker~ As we speak I am tracking your IP address so you better prepare for the storm, maggot~ 🎶 <strong>@MAGA2020</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p><strong>🎶 </strong>I can be anywhere at any time. You're fucking dead, kiddo 🎶 <strong>@MAGA2020</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Clint @CawCawBitch</strong>
</p><p>Dear God..</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>BlewishDisaster is Live on Twitch!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Streaming: <em>Among Us</em></strong>
</p><p>
  <strong><em>Imposter! </em>Sabotage and kill everyone</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>"Oh no, it's Ghost!" <em>[Peyton's character runs around the room as Ghost Husband completes a task. They bury their face in their hands.]</em></p><p>"I can't kill Ghost! I can't! We're supposed to be looking out for each other, I can't kill him! Oh man, oh no, I can't kill Deep Daddy. I'll feel so bad. Oh no no no. Okay, I gotta keep playing."</p><p>
  <em>[Peyton's character runs around frantically, still not getting close to Ghost. Before they can do anything else, "Emergency Meeting" flashes across the screen]</em>
</p><p>Ghost: So umm, I called a meeting</p><p>Emmjay: Yes, we see that. What's going on?</p><p>Ghost: Well Peyton is acting kind of sus. They've just been running around me in circles and not doing tasks</p><p>Quake: Oh really? What do you have to say for yourself?</p><p>Peyday: Um.....I'm not sus?</p><p>NeddyBoi: WOW. So convincing. Totally believe you right now, dude.</p><p>Lily: So it's Peyton, right? They're the imposter?</p><p>Peyday: Wait, wait! NO! I'm not-</p><p>ChaosGremlin: Lies. You're the imposter. I'm voting for Peyton</p><p>Korg: I have to agree</p><p>NotaRacoon: Sounds good to me</p><p>Ghost: Wait. Wait a minute. Hold on everyone</p><p>Ghost: Peyton?</p><p>Peyday: Yes?</p><p>Ghost: You would never kill me, right?</p><p>Peyday: Of course not!</p><p>Ghost: Triangle of trust?</p><p>Peyday: Triangle of trust!</p><p>Ghost: Okay, I believe them. Let's skip this round. </p><p>
  <em>[The game resumes and Peyton goes back to running around. Eventually, their character runs into Ghost's again]</em>
</p><p>"Oh no, I can't let him live a second time, can I? Oh no, oh no. I have to kill him. I have to kill him! There's no other choice! Oh god, Oh god, what do I do? What do I do? Oh no!"</p><p>
  <em>[Peyton lets out a very distressed sound as their character murders Ghost's character. They turn towards the camera with a sad expression]</em>
</p><p>"I.....I killed him........IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME OH GOD DEEP DADDY NOOOOO."</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>
  <em>[Tik Tok begins and Peyton is standing in front of a bathroom mirror. A possum is balanced on their shoulder]</em>
</p><p>"Month 9 of quarantine and I'm ready to throw myself into the ocean!"</p><p>
  <em>[changes to a view of Beatrice and Maxwell]</em>
</p><p>"The prehistoric children have been introduced to each other! They're still a little shy, but I'm sure they'll be best friends one day!" <em>[the little mammoth and moose playfully charge each other]</em></p><p>"MERLIN HAS A LITTLE BROTHER! EVERYONE SAY HELLO TO ARTHUR!" <em>[Merlin can be seen sniffing a smaller Aussie puppy, tail wagging excitedly]</em></p><p><em>[The scene changes and we see a giant web with shapes moving inside of it. Chittering and clicking can be heard].  </em>"The spiders have all molted and have doubled in size! Not gonna lie, this development is somewhat concerning. But they're still my children and I'll love them no matter how large they get!"</p><p><em>[a large pen comes into view and an angry hissing sound can be heard]  </em>"I would introduce you to Linda but she hates my existence and I don't have time her negativity today." <em>[as if on cue, an angry emu charges out of the barn in Peyton's direction] </em>"LINDA! I said not today!"</p><p><em>[the scene changes to inside a chicken coop] </em>"I was deeply depressed last night so I snuck out and adopted 20 chickens! They seem to be adjusting well to their new home."</p><p><em>[ a different enclosure that is attached to the compound and has a doggy door reveals 3 foxes] </em>"Stole these guys from a fur farm!" </p><p><em>[finally, Peyton is back in the bathroom holding a bang energy drink] </em>"And I still have not been granted the sweet release of death no matter how much I beg God every night before I go to bed! Hooooyahhhhh-!!" <em>[it cuts off mid scream]</em></p><p>
  <em>[End Tik Tok]</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Description: My Rescue Menagerie Grows!</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>                 TonyStark </strong> <em>There's an emu.....when did you get an emu? HOW did you sneak that in?</em></p><p> <strong>BlewishDisaster </strong> <em>Carefully :)</em></p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>I don't know what I was expecting, but this wasn't it</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[Video begins]</em>
</p><p>"In today's episode of "What Was Stark's Kid Up To Last Night", I'll admit. I've let my guard down. I've gotten too comfortable. They haven't done any weird shit in a while so I let myself relax. Well, never again!"</p><p>
  <em>[the camera shows him walking down a flight of stairs]</em>
</p><p>"So I'm coming downstairs, right? It's quiet- except for some squawking from the bird room- but that's alright. That's to be expected. But as I get to the bottom of the stairs, I start to hear something."</p><p>
  <em>[he pauses as he reaches the bottom of the stairs and stops talking, allowing the camera to pick up on strange Organ music coming from down the hall]</em>
</p><p>"Y'all hear that? We don't even own an Organ, so there's no reason I should be hearing somber church melodies blasting through the compound at 8am. So naturally, I had to investigate."</p><p>
  <em>[he continues walking until he reaches the living room]</em>
</p><p>"So I come into the living room....and I find this shit!"</p><p>
  <em>[in the living room there are neat rows of folding chairs set up. White flower bouquets line the walls. In the middle of the room there is a large table with a casket sitting on it]</em>
</p><p>"I've walked into a goddamn funeral! Now I don't recall anyone dying lately. The last time I checked all of us were alive, so there's no need to have a funeral. So I got curious. I wanted to know who this funeral is for and I walk up to the casket-"</p><p>
  <em>[Sam approaches the casket and focuses the camera inside. It is empty except for a single notecard. The words on the notecard are written in glittery blue ink and there's a smiley face sticker at the bottom. Sam picks up the notecard and begins to read]</em>
</p><p>"Here lies Peyton Parker's hopes and dreams. They held on as long as they could, but quarantine proved to be too much. May their memory be a blessing :')."</p><p>
  <em>[Sam throws the notecard back into the casket]</em>
</p><p>"I'm so tired. WHERE DID THEY EVEN GET A CASKET? HOW DID THEY GET IT IN HERE??"</p><p>
  <em>[end video]</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Alana @LainyBear</strong>
</p><p>Are......are they okay? <strong>@TheFalcon</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Cheesy Boi @Thotlot</strong>
</p><p>Obviously not <strong>@LainyBear</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bucky @JBBarnes</strong>
</p><p>How did they sneak a whole ass casket by us??</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lily @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>They literally just held a funeral for their hopes and dreams and you're worried about their casket sneaking abilities? <strong>@JBBarnes</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Don't worry, my death wish isn't strong enough to fully propel me into the grave just yet. I have a Dire Wolf to revive <strong>@AvengersStan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bruce @NotThatDoctor</strong>
</p><p>DO NOT</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[Tik Tok begins and we see Peyton laying on their bed, a hand over their forehead. There's a shocked expression on their face.]</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"So as you may or may not know, my grandparents died in a fiery explosion in Budapest when I was younger. Very traumatizing. Bits everywhere! But that's not important right now. I've been looking into what happened. Found every detail that I possibly could and hacked into quite a few places I shouldn't have to accomplish this."</p><p>"Because I want to know, you know? That explosion has always struck me as odd. They told me it was a gas leak, but a gas leak in our basement wouldn't take out two blocks worth of homes. So I really, really dug deep to find out what truly happened that day...."</p><p>
  <em>[They pause]</em>
</p><p>"And now I know. I know! After years of wondering I finally figured it out. What all of you Avengers conspiracy theorists have been ranting about for years now!"</p><p>
  <em>[They sit up and lean in towards the camera, whispering]</em>
</p><p>"I know what Black Widow and Hawkeye were doing in Budapest."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[Tik Tok Ends] </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. These Books Are Dangerous</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> [tik tok begins and Sam can be seen staring into the camera with a resigned expression on his face. Loud singing can be heard coming from somewhere behind him] </em>
</p><p>"Each morning I wake up and I hope that God has remembered me and that the child won't be on that bullshit anymore. But then I come downstairs and am confronted with the reality that He has abandoned this timeline and has absolutely no plans of coming back."</p><p>
  <em> [Scene changes and Peyton can be seen laying in a kitchen sink. They're dressed in sweat pants, a baggy hoodie, and wearing sunglasses. A Bang energy drink is held in one hand and a tube of Pringles in the other. They're holding the Pringles like a microphone] </em>
</p><p>"And in the bad times, I fear myself....I'M OFF THE DEEP END WATCH AS I DIVE IN. I'LL NEVER MEET THE GROUND-"</p><p>
  <em> [It flips back to Sam who is just staring open mouthed into the camera] </em>
</p><p>"At this point either I'm going to be committed or they are. Please just develop that vaccine already. Free me." </p><p>"CRASH THROUGH THE SURFACE WHERE THEY CAN'T HURT US-"</p><p>"Please.."</p><p>
  <em> [tik tok ends] </em>
</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>Sometimes I lay awake at night and think about Budapest</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Anna @AvengersStan</b>
</p><p>But what happened in Budapest??? <b>@PeyParks</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>my grandparents were unalived lol <b>@AvengersStan</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Anna @AvengersStan</b>
</p><p>Yes but WHAT unalived them?? <b>@PeyParks</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>You know <b>@AvengersStan</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Chad @Chaddicus </b>
</p><p>THAT'S THE THING WE DON'T KNOW BECAUSE YOU WON'T TELL US WHAT HAPPENED IN BUDAPEST <b>@PeyParks</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>But I did! I told y'all my grandparents got murked <b>@chaddicus</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Lily @lilmonster</b>
</p><p>THAT'S NOT WHAT WE MEAN AND YOU KNOW IT <b>@PeyParks</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pey @PeyParks</b>
</p><p>I still don't understand what you all want from me :(</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Cheesy Boi @Thotlot</b>
</p><p>This is the kind of shit that made <b>@TheFalcon </b>try to shove them in a box and mail them to Wakanda that one time</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>T'Challa @KingofWakanda</b>
</p><p>Thankfully the package was intercepted before it reached out borders and was returned to sender <b>@Thotlot </b>a crisis was truly averted </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Sam Wilson @TheFalcon</b>
</p><p>Oh come on! They're dating your sister! Just take them for like a week! I need peace. One week. One! <b>@KingofWakanda</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>T'Challa @KingofWakanda</b>
</p><p>You should have thought about that before you called me a furry <b>@TheFalcon</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Shuri @ActualPrincess</b>
</p><p>ASJKSDLFAFWK</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>TheRealFacon is Live on Twitch!</b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Streaming: "Barotrauma", with BlewishDisaster and JesusHair</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> [Peyton, Bucky, and Sam picked up where their last stream left off. Peyton and Bucky are trying to fix the ship that was damaged by the swarm and failing miserably. Sam is still dead] </em>
</p><p>"I'm just....so thankful that you're both going to die."</p><p><em> [Bucky] </em> "No we're not, everything's fine! I'm just going to stand here and put this fire out repeatedly."</p><p><em> [Peyton] </em>"Yeah we're- oh, oh God! We're sinking again! Bucky, we're sinking!"</p><p><em> [Bucky] </em>"Oh for Gods sake. Kid, I am 100% certain that you're the problem here."</p><p>
  <em> [Peyton and Bucky continue arguing while Sam grumbles in the background. He's about to interrupt until his screen changes and his character is suddenly in a different, smaller ship.] </em>
</p><p>"Ohhh, where am I?"</p><p><em> [Bucky] </em> "Sam we left you WAY behind."</p><p>"No. Dude....I'm coming to get your asses."</p><p><em> [Peyton] </em>"Wait, what? Did you respawn or something? Is that you in the ship? Bartick. That's you, right?"</p><p>"Yeah. Yeah I did. How the hell do I steer this thing?"</p><p><em> [Peyton] </em> "Well Bartick, I hope you're bringing supplies!"</p><p>"Why would I bring you supplies? SCREW YOU. You left me to die!"</p><p>
  <em> [Sam continues to curse as he tries to figure out how to steer the ship. It takes quite a few tries but he finally gets it going and starts heading for the larger ship] </em>
</p><p>"Ah! There we go! I'm coming. Is the ship moving? Please tell me the ship isn't moving. I have to dock to you."</p><p><em> [Peyton] </em> "We're not moving. Hurry up and get over here before the swarm comes back!"</p><p>"I'm trying! I'm going as fast as I can- wait? I'm.....running out of power? WHY AM I RUNNING OUT OF POWER?"</p><p><em> [Bucky] </em> "Uhhh, don't do that."</p><p>"I'm out of power! What the hell!?"</p><p><em> [Peyton] </em> "You could always jump out and swim back to the ship!"</p><p><em>[Bucky]</em> "Pfft- that always works out doesn't it, pal?"</p><p>
  <em> <strong>"I hate you both."</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Avengers Fam Chat</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>Pey:</strong> I have a hypothetical question</p><p><strong>Iron Dad:</strong> Oh God</p><p><strong>Legolas:</strong> You've been quiet all day. I knew it was too good to be true</p><p><strong>Brucey:</strong> I planned my visit with Rhodey just in time</p><p><strong>Robo Uncle: </strong>You stay here as long as you want, Bruce</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>So let's say someone was granted access to everything Dr. Strange's library has to offer</p><p><strong>Stove: </strong>I really left the ice for this, didn't I?</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>And even though the fancy red book said DO NOT READ OUTLOUD the gremlin in their brain was just like</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong> <em>must read the precious the precious tome my precious</em></p><p><strong>Spider Mom: </strong>What did you do?</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>But what Gremmy the Brain Gremlin didn't know was that by reading it out loud, it would open a portal to some weird shadowy alternate dimension</p><p>
  <strong>Jesus Hair: </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p><strong>Jesus Hair:</strong> <em>A what now</em></p><p><strong>Ant Dad: </strong>I'm not nearly awake enough to deal with this kind of joke</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>And everything there looks exactly the same! Like it's the same, but not really? Because the world is empty except for them. No people, no animals, no noise....just them and silence</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>It's empty.</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>So empty....except for the the shadowy figures that roam around and inch ever closer. But other than that they're just by themselves in some strange creepy pasta type dimension</p><p>
  <strong>Sammy Boy:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>  </strong>
</p><p><strong>Sammy Boy: </strong>Enjoy your vacation</p><p><strong>Legolas: </strong>You're joking? You have to be fucking joking</p><p><strong>Iron Dad: </strong>You're not in another goddamn dimension.....are you?</p><p><strong>Ant Dad: </strong>Oh no</p><p><strong>Spider Mom: </strong>Oh for Gods sake</p><p><strong>Iron Mother: </strong>Peyton you tell me where you are right now</p><p>
  <strong>Pey:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>  </strong>
</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>Currently at the subway station which is just as empty as everything else! But for some reason the trains still run. Weird huh?</p><p>
  <strong>Iron Mother: <em>PEYTON PARKER YOU COME BACK HOME THIS INSTANT</em></strong>
</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>lol wish I could :')</p><p><strong>Jesus Hair: </strong>I say we just leave them and let them learn from their mistakes</p><p><strong>Stove: </strong>Hold on, how is your phone working?</p><p><strong>Brucey: </strong>That is odd. How does that work?</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>Guys.. what? I...what!?</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>I'm in a weird shadow realm and the most pressing concern is <strong><em>how I retained cellular service?</em></strong> </p><p><strong>Spider Mom: </strong>OKay, haha. Joke's over now, Peyton. Very funny. </p><p><strong>Legolas: </strong>Yeah how dumb do you think we are, kid?</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>I'm not sure you want an answer to that question, buddy</p><p><strong>Robo Uncle: </strong>You've done a lot of weird shit but this is extra, even for you. Try another prank</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>BUT I'M NOT JOKING I'M IN THE GOSH DARN SHADOW REALMMMMM</p><p><strong>Tony: </strong>Alright, you have fun in your "shadow realm". I don't approve of you running around town during a pandemic but we'll discuss it when you get home. </p><p><strong>Sammy Boy: </strong>Better yet, stay away and quarantine somewhere else</p><p><strong>Pey: </strong>D:&lt;</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>Has anyone seen our missing partner? They've been strangely quiet today</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>TOO QUIET </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Shuri @ActualPrincess</strong>
</p><p>Did you LOSE them??? <strong>@Gitc @mmmj </strong>YOU BOTH HAD ONE JOB</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bucky @JBBarnes</strong>
</p><p>Yeah where the hell are they? Do you know how hard it is to feed that hellspawn pretending to be a bird? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>Be nice to Linda!!! <strong>@JBBarnes</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bucky @JBBarnes</strong>
</p><p>YOU come over here and take care of that emu then <strong>@mmmj</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mr Pool @Deadpool</strong>
</p><p>Hold on, no one has seen or heard from <strong>@PeyParks</strong> today?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>The kids fine. Off playing their "trapped in another dimension come save me" game or something <strong>@Deadpool</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Shuri @ActualPrincess</strong>
</p><p>what</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>oh no</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>Goddamn it Parker</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Too Sober for this @PrivateEye</strong>
</p><p>Pardon? <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Daredevil @DevilHK</strong>
</p><p>..........</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>Why the hell are you all taking this so seriously? They're just screwing with us</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p><strong>🎶 </strong>Cause I'm all alone~ There's no one here beside me~<strong>🎶</strong> (except these weird shadow people that show up sometimes. If nothing else, this will make a good photography project if I ever get out of here!)</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Dr. Strange @StephenStrange</strong>
</p><p>Tony we might have a problem <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Daredevil @DevilHK</strong>
</p><p>I'm suing for full custody <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[video begins and Peyton can be seen standing in the middle of a quiet grocery store, wrapped in a blanket. They smile and wave]</em>
</p><p>"Oh hyello, everybody! You might be wondering why I've been so quiet for the past day and a half when you all are used to be being an extremely online internet gremlin. Well you see, I'm currently on an.....adventure you could say."</p><p>
  <em>[they turn the camera around and give people a view of the empty grocery store]</em>
</p><p>"As you can see, this whole place is empty. Just like everything else. Not a soul, except for me and the occasional nosy shadow person. Not even an animal! I can live with no humans but there could at least be an animal for me to talk to. Every cool protagonist in movies like this gets an animal sidekick. But I digress."</p><p>
  <em>[the camera turns back around to face them as they start walking, the sound of a cart being pushed can be heard]</em>
</p><p>"I'm not going to give you the details of how I got here or what this place is....not that I even <em>know </em>what this place is anyway.....but I just wanted to check in and tell you all that <strong><em>yes </em></strong>I am alive. I am okay. A little frazzled but okay! I'm not sure how this cell connection thing works. I didn't know you could literally dial into other dimensions, but I'm not going to question it, honestly."</p><p>
  <em>[they continue walking until they reach a display of Bang energy drinks. They begin knocking a large quantity of the beverages into the basket]</em>
</p><p>"I'm sure I'll figure my way out of this mess eventually. I have too many more ideas to torture- I mean entertain- Samuel to be stuck in this place forever. Fear not. I will return. In the meantime, I'm going to finish gathering supplies and go steal a car and start exploring outside of the city. And maybe try to get close to some of the shadow people. Maybe they're....friendly?"</p><p>
  <em>[a loud noise startles Peyton and they turn quickly around, but see nothing]</em>
</p><p>"I'm just gonna...hurry up and get out of here. But before I go; Ned, MJ, I trust you to care for my animals while I'm gone. Shuri, I trust that you'll temporarily take my place as Samuel Wilson's best friend. He really needs that constant companionship, ya know. And parents cubed....please stop fighting. We already have enough to talk about on our episode of Dr. Phil."</p><p>
  <em>[video ends abruptly]</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam Wilson @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>That's really not necessary <strong>@ActualPrincess</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Shuri @ActualPrincess</strong>
</p><p>Don't be silly! We'll be BEST friends :) <strong>@TheFalcon</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. I'm a Dad! Boogie Woogie Woogie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <strong>Sunday, 2021 - 9:18am</strong> </em>
</p><p>[ <strong>BuzzFeed News: Trapped In A Parallel Universe? </strong>]</p><p>Is Peyton Parker trapped in a parallel world inhabited only by shadow beings with no way home? Looks like it, if the tweets from last night are anything to go by! The Avengers, SHIELD, and New York City Vigilantes have all declined to comment on this matter, but we are still receiving information from Peyton themselves. Click for more details</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Alana @LainyBear</strong>
</p><p>is this a fucking joke??</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>God do I wish <strong>@LainyBear</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tori @angrytief</strong>
</p><p>OH MY GOD</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>I know, it's literally the best thing. My skin is clear, my crops are watered, I can rest easy at night knowing I am free of the evil </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve @CaptainAmerica</strong>
</p><p>SAM </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>Oops, I mean- it's tragic! Simply tragic. How awful it must be for them. Trust me when I say that I'm working <em>so </em>hard with everyone else to bring them home :)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bucky @JBBarnes</strong>
</p><p>Terrible. Just terrible. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Clint @CawCawBitch</strong>
</p><p>Whatever will we do without them? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>Really selling it here, guys. <strong>@TheFalcon @JBBarnes @CawCawBitch</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>T'Challa @KingofWakanda</strong>
</p><p>Truly a horrible day. There's no longer anyone here to help my sister with her schemes. Just horrible. However will I cope with this new development? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @Chaddicus</strong>
</p><p>AJSAHDSKJADFHA</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Shuri @ActualPrincess</strong>
</p><p>BROTHER D: <strong>@KingofWakanda</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>D:&lt;</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>Don't worry, baby. We still love you <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[tik tok begins and a nervous Tony and Thor can be seen approaching a fenced in area. Thor is gripping a bucket of what appears to be animal feed in his left hand]</em>
</p><p>"So...why are we doing this again?"</p><p>"Because we drew the short straw."</p><p>"Surely we could just send Sam or Bucky in here? They have certainly earned this punishment."</p><p>
  <em>[a distant "fuck you" can be heard somewhere off camera]</em>
</p><p>"Just keep walking, Point Break. The fast we get in there, the faster we get out. Hopefully with all our limbs attached." </p><p>
  <em>[they enter the pen. The goats, the cow, and the small herd of baby alpacas who have already been fed ignore their presence. Beatrice and Maxwell run around with Merlin and Arthur getting their daily exercise]</em>
</p><p>"I mean, how bad could this actually be-"</p><p><em>[angry hissing can be heard coming from the barn] </em>"Oh no..." <em>[Linda the emu comes charging out at them]</em></p><p>"Oh fuck!"</p><p>
  <em>[Thor screams and throws the bucket at Tony before running in the opposite direction]</em>
</p><p>"THOR WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"</p><p>"YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE FASTER THE DINOSAUR, YOU JUST HAVE TO BE FASTER THAN YOUR FRIENDS!"</p><p>"<strong><em>THOR!!!!-" </em></strong></p><p>
  <em>[tik tok ends, cutting of Tony's screams] </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Description: As one of Peyton's partners, it is my duty to keep their account going and bring you wholesome animal content while they are trapped in the otherworld -Ned</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>                TonyStark </strong> <em>  wholesome???????</em></p><p> <strong>BlewishDisaster    </strong> <em>Peyton would think this is wholesome</em></p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[video begins and Peyton can be seen sitting in the front seat of a truck]</em>
</p><p>"Hyello everyone! I'm still alive. Sorry to disappoint you, Samuel. But I live to see another day! Well....night, I guess. The sun doesn't really come up in this place. It's just...constant darkness. Not really good for the seasonal affective disorder, especially when my meds are back in the other world. But I'll make due. I always figure it out." </p><p>"Anyway, I am no longer inside the city. The city is crawling with those shadow people and honestly, walking around an empty New York is kind of terrifying. So I stole this truck and went for a drive."</p><p>
  <em>[a pause\</em>
</p><p>"Is it really even stealing if there's no one here? Do shadow people drive? I haven't seen any of them drive, just lurk about and be creepy. Oh well, too late. My truck now. But yeah, I'm just driving down the highway, trying to see if....anyone else is here. So far things seem empty, and any number I call just dials back home. So at least I can still communicate with you guys?"</p><p>
  <em>[they look out the window, a weird expression on their face]</em>
</p><p>"I have no idea where exactly I'm at; no map or gps or anything. But currently on a road surrounded by trees. And it's weird because the forests are empty too, I think. No animal sounds, no insect sounds. Just silence. Complete......silence. Where is everyone?" </p><p>"I have plenty of supplies and gas. I'll try to see if there's another town or something up ahead and stock up. But I should be fine. I'll crash in a house or something? If there aren't any shadows. Cause if I'm being honest, the forest and this road might be creepier than the city and I don't like it out here. Maybe staying in the city would have been better?"</p><p>
  <em>[Peyton shifts uncomfortably in the drivers seat]</em>
</p><p>"I don't know guys. This place is weird. It was funny at first but like....I want to go home. Check ya later!"</p><p>
  <em>[video ends]</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Manda @mandapanda</strong>
</p><p>*slams fists on table* Bring Peyton Home</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>We will <strong>@mandapanda</strong></p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>I take it back. Bring the kid home</p><p>
  <em>[video begins, the room is dark and covered in foliage and webs. Dark shapes can be seen skittering about]</em>
</p><p>"Okay. Alright. Nice...spiders? Good spiders? I'm just gonna leave your food here for you, okay?"</p><p>
  <em>[Sam crouches down and opens the container at his feet, releasing very large, genetically engineered roaches into the room. They unknowingly flee towards the spiders]</em>
</p><p>"See? I'm a good guy. I brought you dinner. Friendly! We're all friends here."</p><p>
  <em>[violent shrieking rings out from somewhere in the room as the webs and plants begin to shake with the force of the feeding frenzy]</em>
</p><p>"Th-That's right. You eat your dinner. Not me. Enjoy your roaches, I'm just gonna-"</p><p>
  <em>[Sam turns around and freezes. Hanging in front of the door is one of the spiders, nearly as big as him. It stares at him inquisitively before extending a leg to poke at him]</em>
</p><p>".........NOPE!!!"</p><p>
  <em>[video ends abruptly]</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>These children need their parent. Who am I to keep them separate?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Natasha @SpiderMom</strong>
</p><p>You're just scared of them <strong>@TheFalcon</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>Yes the FUCK I am they are GIANT SPIDERS <strong>@SpiderMom</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Natasha @SpiderMom</strong>
</p><p>They are harmless angels <strong>@TheFalcon</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Sam @TheFalcon</strong>
</p><p>TELL THAT TO ROACHES HAVE YOU SEEN THEM FEED BEFORE!?!? <strong>@SpiderMom</strong></p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>If you look closely, you can see the slightly transparent toddler with Black eyes that has been lurking in the truck this whole time I guess :') </p><p>
  <strong>  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chad @Chaddicus</strong>
</p><p>Holy shit...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Lily @lilmonster</strong>
</p><p>Someone please rescue them from whatever hellscape they are currently trapped in <strong>@AvengersOfficial @NYCVigilantes</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Anna @AvengersStan</strong>
</p><p>NOPE NOPE NOPE FUCKING NOPE <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Cheesy Boi @Thotlot</strong>
</p><p>And you're just standing there taking pictures!?!? Child.....rUN! <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>He seems relatively harmless.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>For real tho, idk how long this child has been in the truck haha, I am afraid</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>But like, he's LESS creepy than the 100% shadow people lurking around here so??</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Guys, guys. He's actually kind of cute? And more solid now, somehow.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>I'm in the car with the child. I repeat, I'm in the car with the child and he is the sweetest little..... otherwordly creature? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>I think he's harmless?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>Abandon that car and run. Run fast. <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>@mmmj</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>He's our son, now <strong>@mmmj </strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>PEYTON NO <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Shuri @ActualPrincess</strong>
</p><p>WE DID NOT DISCUSS THIS ADOPTION AS A UNIT, PEYTON PARKER <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>This is where I draw the line. This is the line in the sand. Dogs? Fine. Goats? Fine. An emu? Fine. Prehistoric beasts? Sure! But one thing I am not, one thing I REFUSE to be in 2021, is Iron Grandpa <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Daredevil @DevilHK</strong>
</p><p>^</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Scott @AntDad</strong>
</p><p>^^</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>His name is Anthony Benjamin Parker. He's a little shy, but I got him out of the truck and we're going to go inside this random house now</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>.......</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Daredevil @DevilHK</strong>
</p><p>Stay strong, Stark. Don't you fucking break <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Scott @AntDad</strong>
</p><p>We have to present a united front. Don't you dare <strong>@IronMan</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James Rhodes @WarMachine</strong>
</p><p>Anyone want to explain to me why Tony is crying in his lab? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</strong>
</p><p>Oh for gods sake- WHY IS #IRONGRANDPA TRENDING!?!?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve Rogers @CaptainAmerica</strong>
</p><p>Is......is that ME in that picture??? <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Don't worry about it, Stove. Focus on our current timeline <strong>@CaptainAmerica </strong></p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>You guys....</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Me and Anthony found this little nugget in the house by herself. She also has solid black eyes and is probably not human but LOOK AT THIS CUTIE. She seems to like the apple sauce! </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>We need to talk about this. Preferably before you find another possibly demonic child to adopt <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Shuri @ActualPrincess</strong>
</p><p>For real, this is something that needs to be discussed as a family unit <strong>@PeyParks @mmmj</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ned @Gitc</strong>
</p><p>That being said, I have not yet met Anthony or The Nugget but I would 100% die for our children <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Black Dahlia @mmmj</strong>
</p><p>Oh 100% <strong>@Gitc</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Shuri @ActualPrincess</strong>
</p><p>Fo sho! <strong>@Gitc</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bruce @NotThatDoctor</strong>
</p><p>Oh god</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Clint @CawCawBitch</strong>
</p><p>Are we all just watching this and letting it happen? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>I'm Tired @DevilSitter</strong>
</p><p>Peyton you can't just......claim children. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Fuck You @FrankCastle</strong>
</p><p>They just did </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Oh God Why @DevilSitter2</strong>
</p><p>DO NOT encourage this! <strong>@FrankCastle</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>You'll have to pry my children from my cold dead arms </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</strong>
</p><p>YOU ARE NOT ADOPTIONG DEMONIC CHILDREN</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Too Sober for This @PrivateEye</strong>
</p><p>Absolutely not!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Natasha @SpiderMom</strong>
</p><p>You don't even know what those things are! They might not even be children! <strong>@PeyParks</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>Her name is Natalia :) </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Natasha @SpiderMom</strong>
</p><p>.......</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Too Sober For This @PrivateEye</strong>
</p><p>Oh Jesus Christ, here we go</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</strong>
</p><p>This cannot be happening. Natasha, listen to me. Stay strong. They might not even be real children, remember? <strong>@SpiderMom</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pey @PeyParks</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>[video begins: a small child who can't be more than a year old with black eyes stares into the camera, a smile on her face]</em>
</p><p>"Saaaayy Babushka! Baaa buuu sshhhka~!"</p><p>"BABSHAKA!!"</p><p>"Oh my gosh! She said it, guys! She said Babushka!"</p><p>
  <em>[video ends]</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Too Sober For This @PrivateEye</strong>
</p><p>Well fuck</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Bucky @JBBarnes</strong>
</p><p>Why is Nat ordering a bunch of little kid shit??? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony Stark @IronMan</strong>
</p><p>*cough* #IronGrandma *cough* </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Pepper Potts @StarkCEO</strong>
</p><p>I am not paid nearly enough to deal with this family's bullshit</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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